Free humour Kindle books for 01 Dec 13

Minecraft: New and Amazing Building Ideas!

by Minecraft Addict

How Will This Guide Help You?

Want to play Minecraft and progress in the game quickly? The best thing about playing a game is getting in to the most challenging part of the game and cruising through it smoothly. With this guide you can do so as well. Now you can master building amazing structures and houses in the game without the trial and error required otherwise. This guide will take you through some basic house building steps and some more advanced structures also. Thus once you know how to build houses, you can let your creativity lose and build the houses of your dream.



Chess for The Amateur: Pawn Forks and other Disasters (Chess Examples)

by Evan Phillips

Are you a player who makes basic and costly mistakes? For advanced beginners and intermediate amateurs, this book is packed with real game traps and how to avoid them.

It is presented systematically to teach you what to do to get yourself back into a winning position.

You will find practical solutions to switch from amateur thinking to successful chess moves.

It is assumed that you are familiar with the way the chessmen move, and have some idea of opening a game. I do not give advice on opening moves or strategy. The focus of this book is to assist you to avoid coming off second-best in simple tactical maneuvers.

I know from personal experience, having obtained a reasonable position from the opening few moves, how frustrating it can be to lose a piece and thereby ruin a good game.

This book is not about obvious blunders such as leaving a threatened piece unprotected. Rather, it systematically identifies certain patterns, positions in which loss is bound to occur â?? loss of material and often loss of the game. It’s an uphill struggle to salvage a game when one’s fighting force has less fire-power than the opponent.

An important tactic discussed, and illustrated with examples, is the pin, where one player immobilizes his opponent’s piece or pawn. This often has a powerful effect, as freedom of movement is crucial on the chessboard.

“Pawn Forks” refers to the not infrequent situation in which a lowly pawn can overcome a stronger man. This is an example of a kind of inverse hierarchy among the chessmen in which a man of lesser value can drive away a more valuable piece. In the case of a fork, however, two pieces are threatened simultaneously, and only one can move.

It may be a little embarrassing to fall victim to a pawn fork. It is harder to anticipate a knight fork; knights can be quite tricky. No such excuse with a pawn â?? it just moves straight ahead.

Part of the charm of chess is its subtlety, exemplified by the pawn. Despite its low ranking and simple movement it has considerable value and versatility. A pawn attacks, defends, captures en passant; it can be sacrificed; it can metamorphose into a queen.

I do like pawns. But delights abound in the world of chess. This book will help you discover some of them.

Now, Click the buy button above and start tipping the wins in your favor.



Reservoir Cats: True Stories and Cat’s Eye Views from Squirt

by Penel Ashworth

Squirt is a quirky but lovable Somali cat. He is many things – raconteur, warrior, criminal, teacher, loyal friend, idle layabout. He might describe himself as a fearless crusader who takes on evil and adversity and wins – every time. In short he is a host of conflicting personalities, all jostling for space inside one small body.

Reservoir Cats is Squirt’s own story of his life with tales of the people, cats and dogs he loves – and those he doesn’t! Diary extracts, profound philosophies, acute and hilarious observations of the world and some innovative if somewhat strange ideas. As an added bonus he is happy to give advice on a range of subjects regardless of whether we need or even want it.

“If you want to learn the ancient art of Feng Shui just ask a cat.”

Squirt introduces his friends and enemies and takes us along on his exploits and adventures. Join him and his alter ego The Shadow as he plots revenge on the mysterious Box Man, takes the world of commerce by storm, arranges a world class sporting event and discovers something truly offensive on his doorstep.

Reservoir Cats confirms what many cat lovers have only hitherto suspected – that felines are capable of feeling the complete range of ‘human’ emotions, even two conflicting ones at the same time. Should we worry about this? Almost certainly.

“Felt terrible…..I realised with horror that one of her canine teeth was sticking out at a strange angle. Luckily I managed to stifle a snigger.”

To those who know him it is clear that Squirt is convinced that having a pedigree sets him apart from most other cats and bestows him with extraordinary powers. He assumes self importance as his birth right and believes in the superiority of cats, himself in particular.

Funny, revealing and occasionally touching, Reservoir Cats contains the answers to many questions:

Why do cats wear goggles?

What use is a carrier bag?

What is the true definition of ‘catastrophe’?

Use the ‘Look Inside’ feature or download your free sample for your first introduction to Squirt at his home in Aberdeenshire, Scotland.

If you think that your cat just ambles through life doing nothing much apart from sleeping, eating and taking uneventful strolls outside it is highly likely that Squirt’s tales of the Reservoir Cats will change your mind!



101 Obscenely Offensive Orphan Jokes

by Smitty Snoodler

Try this hillarious collection of orphan jokes guaranteed to have you and your co-workers rolling on the floor splitting your sides. The book is packed full of fresh funny jokes such as, ” What does a orphan call his imaginary friends? Mom and Dad.” This book delivers laugh after guilty laugh at a price that can’t be beat.



Club

by Pat W Hendersen

Graeme Park being wide with police at the scene of a murder, Justin Robertson mixed up with some proper wrong-uns looking for a few pills, Paul Wain deciding that jumping into the crowd is preferable to finishing his set (blame the black microdots!) and Dave Seaman looking on in astonished approval.
All fairly plausible stuff!!

The final instalment of Hendersen’s House Music & Gangsters epic trilogy.



Bali & Oates

by Paul Greenway

The Prime Minister wants to snorkel in Bali with the tasty new ‘Minister of Sustain-Novation and In-Ability’, but his maniacal Private Secretary reminds him that the purpose of the visit is to sign the Bali Oil & Gas Access Negotiations (BOGAN) agreement. Meanwhile, the Australian Consul on Bali, Samantha Oates, is warned by Australia’s top intelligence and police agencies that the PM’s visit is under threat from Balinese terrorist groups. Her dismay is compounded by the sudden disappearance of her second-in-charge, Ryan ‘Bloody’ Blake, who is responsible for organising the visit. The terrorists lead Australia’s finest diplomats, politicians and spies on wild goose chases around the temples, golf courses and art galleries of Bali before the farce is finally exposed by Samantha, with the masterful assistance of a 60-year-old, digital-whiz Granny Geek, and a schoolgirl on work experience.

Written in a satirical vein similar to Ben Elton by a former intelligence officer and author for Lonely Planet guidebooks, this racy and engaging action-comedy-political-satire is based almost entirely in Bali. The Oates Trilogy continues in Vietnam and Malaysia.



F**k Dr. Seuss

by John James

A beautiful Christmas tale about Noel, a man who’s Christmas gift to the world is MURDER. There is no moral within these pages, no saving grace, no redemption; this is not a Dr. Seuss’s tale of love defeating “Grinchness” – f**k Dr. Seuss, this is all the things that are annoying about the season



Fark, That’s a Good Joke #1

by Frank Farquhar

How many times have you bought a joke book and then felt dudded when you found out that half the jokes weren’t funny?

Most compilers of joke books go for quantity, not quality.

This is not your ordinary, every day, common or garden joke book. I’ve gone for quality. I’ve test driven most of them.

You’ll piss yourself laughing!!!!



Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy The Interactive Quiz Book

by E L Lee

Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy The Interactive Quiz Book is written to supplement the worldwide bestsellers Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed by E L James.

This interactive quiz and trivia book will not only test your knowledge as a hardcore fan of the Fifty Shades series, but also give you lots of fun time and interesting information that you might not even know.



Squeaky: A Diary Of A Lost Cat

by Annie Allways

Squeaky is a magnificent cat with attitude and style.

He is a cross between Top Cat and Garfield and like TC he is very street wise, whilst although his Garfield side has a problem with ‘Keepers’ (humans) he dearly loves his own Keeper who is called Sarah.

He is also very loyal to his close knit group of friends who’s differences will surprise, delight and amuse you. They, in turn are 100% loyal to Squeaky and as the tale unfolds you will discover the extent of this loyalty and friendship.

Due to his parting ‘gift’ to an old adversary – Granny Swhitz – ‘peeing’ on her old armchair, he becomes trapped in a van and gets spirited away to begin his 6 day adventure to find his way back home to his friends and to his ‘Sarah’.

Between getting hopelessly lost, getting chased and caught by ‘The Two Ugly Pound Police’, nearly losing his family jewels, being adopted by a young girl and her ‘strange ‘ mother and meeting and befriending unexpected allies like ‘Robo the Hobo, Barty and Clint (the gun slinging mut), his long journey culminates in his eventual and eventful return to his home.

Squeaky’s escapades are amusing, sometimes tearful or loving and also scary at times but between all of the joys and heartaches of his enforced journey, his character shines through and he gains the love and respect from all of his new friends. Love and respect that he happily returns in heaps.

As he reiterates many times during his journey, ‘Keepers’ (humans) could learn a great deal from observing and chilling out like their pets and although at times he thinks we are a lost case, his friendship with several ‘Keepers’ along the way, makes him think that there is glimmer of hope for us after all.

A truly remarkable story and journey about a remarkable lovely and witty cat.

You will marvel at his determination and zeal for life and will end up loving him as much as his ‘Keeper’ Sarah does, because;

Squeaky is THE cat.



SQUIRREL OF DEATH

by BRYN M PARRY

Dr Ben Mattacks was ‘having one of those days’ as he attempted to guide a party of Sixth Formers along the strandline at Formby Point. The fly in his ointment, as it were, took the form of a luxuriously bearded, and totally naked, celebrity DJ stalking them up on the towering dune system to their left. The aftermath of this depraved display performed by the psychotic, drug abusing, Wolfman Leibowitz, proved to be a truly deadly one for not only the young coast warden but also his disastrously dysfunctional Morris Dancing troupe, ‘The Jolly Rogers’. The squirrels weren’t having a ball either……



The Strange & Exciting Adventures of Mr. HB Sticky, Part 1

by Hugh B Maguire

This is Part 1 in a series of a stories about the adventures of a very unusual walking stick. He is very proud of his good looks and cunning nature. He was wrapped in clear-cellophane and has a very shiny black adjustable aluminium body, along with a beautifully crafted rubber hand-grip and a very stylish rubber foot. With that introduction Mr. HB Sticky’s Strange & Exciting Adventures begin…



The Strange & Exciting Adventures of Mr. HB Sticky, Part 2

by Hugh B Maguire

This is Part 2 in a series of a stories about the adventures of a very unusual walking stick. In the meantime things had taken a turn for the worst. Mr. HB Sticky have taken to a life of crime, with the view to making vast quantises of cash. Mr. HB Sticky’s Strange & Exciting Adventures Part 2 begins…



Touching Wood (The Woman’s Complete Guide to the Kid Inside Their Man)

by Alan Neilson

A perceptive and humorous look at surviving adolescence.  Set in the late 1970’s, it follows four boys’ lives, whose families struggle to stay nuclear.

When four boys are growing up, they normally look to their family for support and encouragement.  But if your dad is an alcoholic; or your mum is neurotic; or your friend’s dad shows you a bit too much attention, while the rest of the world just ignores you; you tend to just find your own way.
In the wake of punk and in the foreboding quiet before Thatcher, a generation comes to terms with the ever present threat of nuclear destruction and invasion by Soviet forces.  All this whilst suffering school, hair growth, musical revolution and its subsequent dilution, the conquering of girl-kind and conkers.
“Touching Wood” is the story of Martin, Billy, Noel and Robert as they scrape their way out of boyhood into adolescence.  The boys use football, comics, dirty magazines, graffiti and hearsay to navigate through the minefield of growing up.  They fail with drinking, smoking and girls, but end up finding more strength in their own circle than in those around them.



Fun Facts and Trivia You Would Never Know

by Lu Lu James

What is Trivia (“Cold knowledge” in Chinese)? Knowledge which is very cold? No, trivia is in fact some rare common sense knowledge. However, if you ask kids how Nokia started its business, or whether Napoleon was French or not, they are not interested at all. Instead, they may be interested to know why we use sand to grill chestnuts, why we burp after drinking soft drinks, why we have more saliva

when we see some sour food no matter it is hot or cold. Kids are interested in the things they see in their daily lives, such as, human bodies, astronomy, geography. Do ants have ears? No, they don’t but they have two tentacles. They can secret mucus to touch on anything and use their tentacles to feel the objects.



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