Free humour Kindle books for 06 Dec 13

Divergent Parody: Detergent

by Reid Mockery

From Amazon’s best-selling parody author, Reid Mockery, comes Detergent. Beverly Cryer (Vurl) has to choose a dystopian faction to live with for the rest of her life. If she doesn’t make it through initiation, she’ll be factionless and declared a Detergent. But, Vurl is determined not to spend the rest of her life doing everyone else’s laundry. She is an independent young woman with skills she doesn’t even know about and with the help of handsome number Two she’ll not only make it through initiation, she’ll save the city from disaster.

Okay, that’s the serious book pitch. This is a book that makes fun of Divergent. It’s a parody, so it follows the same basic story but is more outrageous, silly, stupid and all the other things that make a great parody great. Mockery has a proven track record delivering laughs and this one doesn’t disappoint. If you loved Divergent, try Detergent!



Phonehead

by Eric Barry

Actor West Cooper played all sorts of roles on TV: a street thug, a religious fanatic, a male prostitute, a baseball player, and even a drug dealer. But none of those characters prepared him for his next roleâ??playing a telemarketer in real life.

Follow West as he takes a stress-filled journey into the deepest, darkest corner of his…cubicle.



Minecraft Game Guide: A Minecraft Game Guide Full of Tips and Tricks

by Brooke Morgan

Minecraft is one of the most popular games right now. This Minecraft game guide has tips for the beginner as well as the seasoned player.

Get to know each of the mobs in Minecraft and how to use them. Also learn how to tame and breed animals.

Learn about each Biome and what can be found there.

Learn tips and tricks to make game playing even more fun and exciting!

Learn how to make a doorbell, breathe underwater, use pistons to make farming faster and easier, how to make a zombie proof door and much more!



When Life Gives You Lemons… At Least You Won’t Get Scurvy!

by Madge Madigan

A humorous collection of anecdotal essays on how to deal with common adult life struggles that fall just short of FEMA intervention but are bigger than a duct tape and coat hanger fix. This stuff wasn’t supposed to happen to Madge, she’s college educated and comes from a good white collar Irish Catholic family. But she made it through an abusive marriage, co-parenting with her alcoholic ex who subsequently vanished, joblessness, homelessness, food stamps, dating, and raising three kids single handedly. Somehow she maintained her dignity and fabulousness and produced three very smart, well adjusted, successful children. These are life lesson stories filled with humor, common sense and snark.

“This book is very nice dear but I still think you should become a dental hygienist. They make good money you know. People always need their teeth cleaned.” – Madelyn Madigan, Madge’s Mother

“Funny and cleavage, a winning combination!” – A creepy guy that reads my blog



Screenettes: Horse Iron!

by Daniel Fryda

Horse Iron! is a compact collection of photo-images characterizing the Ford Mustang.

If you have an eye for photography and the visual arts, you will appreciate the blended perspective, color dynamics, and shading that create a sense of textural presence in each image. Automobile buffs, hot-rodders, and other enthusiasts will enjoy this trim photo book where in-close Mustang design elements evoke mood and capture the essence of the car. The collection can also be viewed as a brief study of combined engineering and branding features that have helped shape our perception of the Mustang.

Screenettes. Cool artwork minis for your device — when a picture is just enough. Bite-sized art in an eBook!

16 images, 2 bonus pictures, and a neon!



Flying Jerks: The Truth About Santa’s Reindeer

by brian h

Flying Jerks: The Truth About Santa’s Reindeer is a humorous, mostly-for-adults, cartoon book that reveals why Santa Claus’s beloved reindeer really aren’t so lovable. Did you know that one of them has a drinking problem? Or that another is a pervert? And have you ever heard about the mean things they do to short people and fat kids? You’ll be shocked! And there’s much more! Find out all the delicious details in this tell-all account. You’ll never look at these nine tiny reindeer the same way again!



One Horribly Written Short Story

by Grace Carpenter

WARNING! As the title states, this is one horribly written short story, designed to show aspiring authors how not to write a short story. There are numerous grammatical and spelling errors, so do not read if that will annoy you!



Have a Candy Cane You Poor Tortured Soul

by Abraham Meislow

Adam is struggling to catch the Christmas Spirit bug that seems to be floating around, and so he sets about trying to tap into the holiday cheer. Written for my family Christmas 2011. Cover art by my little sister.



Choosing Headgear for Penguins

by David Hadley

No doubt you have been wondering over the years about what is the most suitable hat for the various breeds of penguin: such as a deerstalker for the King penguins, or whether emperor penguins should wear a top hat.

Perhaps you have also wondered if Napoleon wore a basque under his uniform at the battle of Waterloo and the role that lingerie played in history.

Maybe you have long puzzled over the role of the Stilton cavalry in the English Cheese war.

Possibly you may have pondered who was The Greatest Prime Minister Great Britain Never Had, or who was The Fastest Jelly Baby Diversity Co-Ordinator In The West.

You could have even puzzled over The Fabled Lost Source of the Pork Scratching.

Choosing Headgear for Penguins is the book that answers all of these and many other questions you’ve never thought of asking as well as much, much more about such diverse topics as: Celebrity Extreme Gardening, Eroticism and the Intellectuals, People Staring At Walls, Raiders Of The Lost Car Park, The Latest Celebrity Sex Scandal, The UK’s Leading Adult Film Male Superstar and Weasel Defusing.

Some comments on David Hadley’s humour pieces:

“Bloody Hilarious!”
“The hamsters of doom. Dammit, that’s poetry. Well done”
“oh my god….I just about died laughing reading this…it’s genius! Pure genius! Especially the bit about the fluffy particle…too funny.”
“This made me laugh so much, tears came into my eyes….”
“I just sprayed barely masticated tomato all over my keyboard from laughing too hard”
“this really made me laugh. I shall never look at a cup of tea in the same way again.”
“Brilliant! made me howl…”
“I think I just broke all my vital organs laughing”



Hortense on Tuesday Night (a short story from BEST PARIS STORIES) (Kindle Singles Best Paris Stories)

by Marie Houzelle

It’s 1975. The sexual revolution in Paris. Women in heterosexual couples are a “sorry, forgotten minority”. A young Parisian decides to start a Married Women’s Group. But that was without counting on the disturbing nature of Hortense…

“Hortense on Tuesday Nights”- had a sparse, mysterious quality which engaged me. The point of view was culturally ambiguous – and distinctly un-American – which I found refreshing. – judge Elizabeth Bard, author of Lunch in Paris: A Love Story, With Recipes



CrossJacks! (World of Colonium)

by Susan Shell Winston

CROSSJACKS! is a game of strategy played by the miners and guardsmen of Colonium. Discovered in the archives of the spaceship �déveil, and recently translated by a grad student of NRU, Crossjacks! has similarities to both high stakes Poker and Gin Rummy.

With 8 jacks wild to outwit the competition, Crossjacks! can be enjoyed on many different levels from family friendly to cutthroat madness. Draw a jack and hold it or play it before your opponent plays his, and let the shouting begin!

This edition of CrossJacks includes the official rulebook for playing the game, a who’s who of face card kings, queens and Jacks from Norgon and Dominion history, and a scene of a deadly game of Crossjacks played by miners and cardsharks of Kairugon Pass. Also, a limited time offer: Answer a question from the book as a proof of purchase, and you will be sent instructions on how to download and print your own deck of CrossJack cards from Colonium,

Learn to play CrossJacks for fun at home, or at your next con!

for more information about Colonium, see Holdenstone.com, and Singer of Norgondy.



Brain Games & Puzzles: Scramble Words To Increase Spelling – For Parents & Kids

by Rosa Suen

KINDLE SPECIAL EDITION: The Instructions are given in the book so that you can play by yourself and with your children. The games are hyperlinked so that you can move from one game to the next, one level to the next to win your games.

Have fun playing these 3 Level Games- A total of 30 Word Scramble Games To Challenge Your Brain & Mind

This is a classic word scramble game. In this game you will be given a set of 6 scrambled letters.

You are required to rearrange them into a meaningful word in the following format:

3 Letter word

4 Letter word

5 Letter word

6 Letter word

There are 3 Levels of Difficulty: Easy, Medium & Difficult!

Win all 3 Levels!

There are 2 WAYS to play this game:

A. For Parents & Children ¡V Increase Spelling Skills

This game is for parents to help children increase their spelling skills.

Guide your child to use the 6 letters to:

¡E Form 3 letter words

¡E Form 4 letter words

¡E Form 5 letter words

¡E Form 6 letter words

You can set the timer to see how long it takes for your child to finish one game. The whole idea is to help him expand his vocabulary & learn spelling skills.

B. Fun For Adults: Beat the Clock

1. Hold your Kindle Book in Vertical Position.

2. Start from Level 1 ¡V Easy.

3. 6 Letters will be given to you.

4. Set the Timer: 2 minutes!

5. Use 2 minutes to find as many as you can from the 6 letters. Write them on a piece of paper.

6. When 2 min is up, Check your answer to see how many you got right.

7. Set the Timer: 2 minutes!

8. Another 6 Letters will be given to you.

9. See how many words you got right!

10. Repeat this until you finish 10 Games in Level 1.

11. Move to the next level.

Have Fun!



The Christmas Story 1 – An Irreverent Aussie Adult Version

by Kezza Mackenzie

Never before have you heard the Christmas Story told this way. It’s tongue in cheek, it’s irreverent and a little bit naughty. If easily offended please do not read. For Adults only. NOT for children. R-Rated.



Emails to God

by Michele L. Gaddis

Introduction

Emails to God is my first work of fiction and one of my favorite books. It was written at a time in my life when my relationship to God was a struggle. I was unhappily expressing the same unanswered prayer for a long term project I was working on for many years. I wanted closure. I wanted direction. I wanted more energy for seemingly endless sacrifices for an important cause.

For years I worked tirelessly. I felt discouraged and miserable. After indulging in another pity party where I was both hostess and guest of honor, I considered the possibility that maybe I had the wrong perspective. I considered the possibility that maybe God has His own problems, struggles, and concerns. I considered the possibility that maybe He was sick and tired of my whining to Him about the same thing over and over again. I thought maybe God has his own set of agendas and needs. I wondered if maybe, instead of doing all that praying, I could learn to listen instead.

Not only, did I begin to feel better but I also began to have my mind filled with the ideas that gave life to this book. I do not know if it will make you laugh. I hope so. I do not know if you even believe in God. I do. The important thing is, this is the book that reminded me that even God has feelings too.

Enjoy,

Michele



Noël (The Magpie Cottage Chronicles)

by Cressida Ellen Schofield

Not so much deck the halls, as deck your relative…

Each year Margaret Bingham has one ambition – to create the perfect family Christmas. Each year something happens to thwart her. And this year is no different…

As she waits for her four adult children to return to the family home little does she know that each of them will bring a little bit of extra baggage, and not the type that you can buy at Antler!

Perfect eldest daughter Evie’s marriage is in tatters as she struggles to balance her career with being a wife and mother. Intelligent, sensitive Becca is trying to get into the Christmas spirit despite having just been dumped. Natalie – successful, beautiful and bitchy – unsettles everyone by bringing an uninvited guest home, whilst youngest son Dan returns home from his first term at university intent on continuing his student lifestyle over the holiday season. Nor does Margaret’s recently retired husband, a pair of disagreeable pensioners or a broken boiler help the situation.

As Christmas Day approaches so do the snow clouds. As temperatures fall outside, tempers rise inside, and before long it’s more hell on earth than peace on earth. It is only when one of the family members falls dangerously ill that everyone is forced to put aside their own hopes and fears and start to exercise some seasonal goodwill…



Royal Match (a humorous short story)

by Vladimir Brusiloff Jr.

The opening:

A fight, a battle! On 29th April 2011, a big row is taking place in the Ivanovs’ apartment: Prince William is getting married.

Mrs. Ivanova, Tanya, has been preparing for the wedding for several months: she has been looking at wedding dress catalogues, learning about the protocol, and has even lost a few pounds in weight. She has studied the genealogy. In a nutshell: the young Windsor boy, who isn’t even 30 yet, has been collared by some decrepit commoner born as long ago as 1982.



Christmas Ate My Family

by Rob Suggs

Rob and Christmas are once again locked in a deadly struggle. For him, the holiday has always been filled with delight and dread. Now, as a young father, he is determined to deliver his children the perfect Christmas morning. But what about that elusive toy that every kid in the world wants–and none can find? What of those mysterious requests his son insists on telling Santa personally? Then there’s the daughter whose want-list is as impulsive and changeable as she is. Navigating from one holiday fiasco to another, the author carries us on an uproarious Christmas journey, vividly and semi-truthfully recalled from a lifetime of memories, arriving at a moving and profound conclusion no reader will forget.

Rob Suggs has written or collaborated on more than 50 books, with millions in sales. He lives in Atlanta, GA.



Science Fiction Screenplay (Abridged) Libertaria: The Virtual Opera (Ultimate Independent Filmmaker Collection)

by Sabrina Pena Young

In a post-USA dystopia, the teen Libertaria escapes from a genetics factory and teams up with her addict father Simeon to lead an underground army of cyborg children against the evil reverse-aging Collective in this groundbreaking sci-fi opera from award-winning composer S. Pena Young. Good vs. Evil, sociopolitical upheaval, murder and betrayal, family and loss, Libertaria combines the best of the science fiction tradition of Blade Runner with the music of Repo: The Genetic Opera and Les Miserables.

In this exclusive movie companion, science fiction fans will read the original working screenplay, download FREE MUSIC from the Libertaria motion picture soundtrack, get an exclusive sneak peak at the upcoming Libertaria novel, and more. This Movie Companion Screenplay is part of an exclusive free online screening event Dec 6-9th, 2013. Details and access to the free online movie event are included in this movie companion.

“Sabrina Peña Young, a South Florida-born composer, has achieved…a breakthrough…with a “virtual opera” she wrote and cast entirely through the Internet…It sounds like a graphic novel, and it looks like one… As a story, it is very much in line with the good-vs.-evil sci-fi tradition, with the added bonus of a plucky female heroine.” – Greg Stepanich, Palm Beach Arts Paper

“Epic” – Composer Perry R. Cook

Cast (In Alphabetical Order):

Joe Cameron: Gabe/Chorus

Perry R. Cook: Simeon/Gabe/Miguel/Chorus

Gracia Gillund: Libertaria/Chorus

Jennifer Hermansky: New Dawn Solo/The Nurse/Chorus

Matthew Meadows: Simeon

Kate Sikora: Libertaria/Chorus

Gretchen Suarez-Pena: Lucinde/Chorus

Yvette Teel: The Nurse

Additional vocals: Alan Manuel Pena (Broken)

Directed by Sabrina Pena Young

Original score by Sabrina Pena Young

Cast Album Mastered by Patrick Rundbladh at

P.R. Music Productions.

About the Director:

Sabrina Peña Young, the daughter of Dominican and Cuban parents, grew up in South Florida during the 1980s. Starting her creative journey as a musician, Young spent her teen years and much of her college life performing in various orchestras, alternative bands, and avant-garde ensembles. While at University of South Florida in Tampa in 2000, Sabrina Peña Young became involved with SYCOM (Systems Complex for the Recording and Performing Arts), an experimental enclave of composers and media artists and abandoned the sticks for technology. She worked with Emmy-winning director Charles Lyman at Atlantic Productions before leaving Tampa to study music technology at Florida International University in Miami, Florida, in 2003.

Over the next several years Young explored media and music, writing music and creating zombie effects for indie B horror films, composing complex electronic media works like World Order #5, composing music for Kalup Linzy in his film Conversations wid de churn II and studying film for a year at Florida International University in Miami where she premiered works like A Portrait of Urban Life at Art Basil Miami and Arts Miami before dropping out in 2006 to teach art to homeless children.

Combining her love of music and love of science fiction imagery, in 2011 Young received a New Genre award from the International Alliance for Women in Music for her futuristic multimedia oratorio Creation. In 2012 Young composed scores for the Rob Cabrera animated short Monica (2012) and Sean Fleck’s time-laps film Americana.

Wanting to explore film further, Sabrina Pe̱a Young began production on Libertaria: The Virtual Opera, a science fiction machinima opera produced entirely online. In 2013 Libertaria: The Virtual Opera was premiered in Lake Worth, Florida. РIMDb



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