Free humour Kindle books for 08 Dec 13

85 Days

by Elizabeth Fredlund

Sophia was in a snot congested, tear infested, wish she could just go and die depression. She had come to realize that her now ex-boyfriend and her life equally sucked. But fate had just the fix for this San Diego native with a summer abroad in Ireland. With her long to-do list and a tidal wave of anxiety she planned to figure out her life. But will her new friends and a complicated new love life screw it all up for her? Or will she do that all on her own?



Heavy Metal Thunder

by Kyle B. Stiff

“The Invader has taken everything from usâ?¦ except our free will.”
– Admiral Franks, “Transmissions from Black Heaven”

Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books? Remember playing the lead role, making choices and influencing the story, and either surviving or dying based on your choices? Solo-gaming books used to be everywhere – and then they disappeared for no good reason.

Now, they’re back.

In Heavy Metal Thunder, our solar system has been overrun by extraterrestrial invaders. You play as a soldier in the human resistance. While cut off from your unit, you find out that your allies in the resistance are being tracked down by the alien invaders and will be ruthlessly crushedâ?¦ unless you can find them and warn them before it’s too late.

On your journey you’ll meet the wild dregs of the solar system, and it will be up to you to choose how to deal with them. Do you help out those who have given up the fight against the invaders, or do you take shortcuts and gun down anyone in your way? As you learn how to fight the invaders you’ll gain levels and new skills, but limited resources will make it impossible to save everyone.

Heavy Metal Thunder is the first book in an epic series that chronicles your role in humanity’s war against the mysterious and overpowering invaders. In later installments you can lead other soldiers, join an elite special forces unit, and even command your own battleship. All sections are hyperlinked, so you won’t have to worry about flipping through dozens of sections after making a choice. No dice are required, but you can keep track of your stats and equipment if you’re down with RPGs and nerd culture.

Cover illustration: Oliver Wetter / Fantasio Fine Arts (http://fantasio.info)



Noir Retrospective

by Catherine F. Eshraghi

Early October 2009, Paris:

…The night is wet, dark and obscure as he walks out of the dreary, gray old building and through Morgue Street towards the main Blvd. His obscure figure meanders across the wet pavements towards his small one room apartment at the top of the hill in the 18th Parisian district. His tailored 1940s three -piece gray gabardine suit clings perfectly and effortlessly to his masculine body. Watching him walk down that street, one would think that he was starring in his very own Film Noir production. It is late, half past midnight, but he is joyous and happy because he loves his existence. He loves his job. After his divorce, it was his second choice to work at the Paris Morgue, but he was not qualified to find his dream job of becoming an insurance salesman at a big firm so he settled for the secretarial job at the morgue. His daily visit to his job was now an exercise in morbid curiosity, as he logged the statistical death rates and deceased tales of the vast, colorful, and intriguing population of Paris. His real name is Michael Manot, but because of his love for the Hollywood Film Noir genre, he has given himself the alias “Mike Noir”…



Cowboy Romance (of horsesweat and hornflies)

by Bob Kinford

This is cowboy humor at it’s best. Western Horseman Magazine said “Bob Kinford has mastered the genre!” While listed as fiction, the stories in this book are accounts of events that happened to the author on ranches all over the western United States.

Kinford has that unique ability to look at nearly any event and see the humor in it. From getting hit by lighting to being dragged across the wide prairie underneath a bronc mule, he will keep you laughing and wondering….Just why do they do what they do?



The Church of the Comic Spirit

by Paul Wiebe

Rabbinical school dropout uncovers Bear Lake Scrolls, the original version of the Old Testament, then starts a new church.



Dead White Male

by Paul Wiebe

High school teacher discovers he is Shakespeare reincarnate. Wife and daughter unconvinced; pastor has serious doubts. Only his grandson maintains a simple, childlike faith.



Benedict XVI

by Paul Wiebe

This picaresque novel was first published in 2002, three years before Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger became pope and chose to be called Benedict XVI.

Benedict XVI flays almost everything in the contemporary world that begs to be flayed – politics, the media, and of course religion. The comic hero is a mix of Shakespeare’s Sir John Falstaff and the ultra porn king Larry Flynt. Benny Good’s misadventures lead him from a humble origin as an Amish foundling through stints as a novice evangelist, overland trucker, and radio talk show host, finally achieving the office that includes the perk of being addressed as Most Holy Father.



The plant wars zombies 2 raiders

by Gamerz R.R. Martin

This book tells the storyï¼?Has the correct strategic thinking, we have to rely on tactical strategy. Tactical range includes a wide range of plants and match, battle array, plants and zombies meet, the war is an anti-this is a tactical areas. The right tactics to players in the fighting, victory. Select the correct tactics, you first need to analyze the situation, and then make a decision. Then improve tactical level is also to improve analysis of the situation.

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ã?The most popular gamesã??ï¼?Terrible zombie invasion to your family, your only defense is your cultivation. A new game coming soon PC platform, the name of the plant wars zombies ( ‘Plants vs . Zombies’ ). Armed your 49 species of plants, switch to different types of functions, such as Cherry Bomb or powerful man-eating flowers, more quickly and effectively the zombie blocking the invasion of the road. Different enemies, different law that constitute 5 different types of game modes, and the sunset, fog, as well as the pool of such obstacles have increased the challenge of striking the game forever.



Conference Table Potties: Number One

by Patrick Waldron

This book is one cartoon, re-written two-hundred-and-ninety-nine times.

You’ll find cartoons with the gut-wrenching humor of a standup comedy routine. It’s no holds-barred and take no prisoners humor: witty, dry, gross, cheap, clever, obvious, get-it-later, fresh and it’s amazing how many funny lines go with this goofy cartoon.

The creator says, “I usually write one caption for a cartoon, sometimes a dozen captions, and this one seems like it’s perpetual. Instead of sending it to the magazines I held onto it and eventually came across a great article about why self-publishing is the best route for beginning and established writers. Bada-bing, bada-boom, here you go. Enjoy.”

The humor stems from work frustrations, committee frustrations, class discussion frustrations, family meeting frustrations–anytime people get together frustrations. It makes a great gift.



Living in a Manuscript (A Short Gem)

by Linda Shelnutt

Living in [the middle of] a Manuscript is a warmly humorous account of how it was in the early 1990’s in the publishing industry from the zany perspective of an obscure, prolific, politically outrageous writer. As far as how to get the attention of the major NYC publishing house in those days, the poignant satire in this short piece comes too frequently from the how NOT. If there’s a “how to” here, it’s for maintaining the spirit to keep going on the long roads traveled by highly creative individuals. The how to is about maintaining the spirit of integrity in creative process. The story is about how not to quit and how to enjoy the process as much as possible when working in a vacuum, working for that day of living in the mainstream of the book marketplace instead of in the middle of a manuscript.

Even though retrospect from 2013 returning to 1993 exposes maybe too much from many angles, the people in in this saga were doing what they could [sometimes heroically, sometimes maybe not], within the debilitating frustrations a difficult yet prestigious industry.

This Short Gem is dedicated to UK author extraordinaire, Louise Cooper, as per notes and letter inside.

KINDLE GLOW BOOKS values insights from customer reviews which detail what readers enjoy most in books.

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“LIVING in[ the middle of] a MANUSCRIPT” is a SHORT GEM which originated in first draft within a real manuscript which evolved over decades into the Kindle book, QUARTER MOON DUES: Concluding Qtr. Photographs of discarded railroad icons were taken by Linda Shelnutt in the early 1990’s in a junkyard in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Shelnutt notes from 2012/2013:

Letters used fictitiously here are identical or similar [generally retaining typos along with maybe more than a few examples of questionable taste and poor judgment] to those sent by me on the dates indicated. I laugh with chagrin when I reread some of these communications which provide excellent humor at my expense [in many ways]. Yet I’m thankful I had the courage to be true to myself at the time. I’m thankful for Amazon’s KDP and Kindle Select. I’m also thankful that the long established NYC publishing houses still exist.

Everything which continues to exist in a physical world evolves in its own unique ways as demanded by integrity. When something ceases to exist, it’s because there’s no integrity left from seed or evolution. As per my books, I’m speaking of Divine Design Laws of Physics type of Integrity, which have to do with separate, unique, integral, evolving, physically spiritual identities and purposes.



Welcome to the Weekend – Book One (A comedy drama for the lads and the girls)

by Steve Wareing

It is the mid 1990s in Preston, England. Justin, Nigel and Shane are young, free and single. They go out every weekend looking to have a few beers, find some nice ladies and finish the night with a donner kebeab and a phone number.

Nicola, Kelly, Anita and Laura also like a night out. They enjoy dancing in the clubs, catching up with the latest gossip and keeping the guys on their toes.

Both groups have had numerous nights out in the same pubs and clubs but they never seem to meet – until now. Find out what happens when Justin becomes infatuated with Nicola and tries to secure a date with her but finds various things get in the way – including Alan Shearer’s head!

For less than £1 you get to share five nights out with the gang as they go pubbing, clubbing, attend a house party, go on bad dates and watch England vs Germany at Euro ’96!

It’s cheaper than half a pint of beer and won’t leave you with a hangover!

‘Welcome to the Weekend’ Book Two is now available and a new ‘Welcome to the Weekend’ Xmas novella (estimated 50 pages) will be available November/December time. This will be book 2.5, before the summer 2014 release of book 3. Follow Steve Wareing Writer on Facebook for updates.



Mr.Oblivious Book Three

by Mark Gonyea

This is book three of the collected Mr.Oblivious comic strip written and illustrated by Mark Gonyea. Included in this collection of Mr.O comics are original thumbnails, concept sketches, photos and funny commentary from Mark about each and every cartoon.

As with most things, Mr.Oblivious began with a question. How many times can you tell the same joke and still make it funny (or at least reasonable funny?) and could it be done in a comic strip? It never dawned on me growing up how many cartoons I watched that were the same story with just a different take. Who’s in the mask this week? What wacky invention will the Coyote try today? The list goes on and on. I loved them anyway no matter how many times I watched and still do.



Mr.Oblivious Book Two

by Mark Gonyea

This is book two of the collected Mr.Oblivious comic strip written and illustrated by Mark Gonyea. Included in this collection of Mr.O comics are original thumbnails, concept sketches, photos and funny commentary from Mark about each and every cartoon.

As with most things, Mr.Oblivious began with a question. How many times can you tell the same joke and still make it funny (or at least reasonable funny?) and could it be done in a comic strip? It never dawned on me growing up how many cartoons I watched that were the same story with just a different take. Who’s in the mask this week? What wacky invention will the Coyote try today? The list goes on and on. I loved them anyway no matter how many times I watched and still do.



Casino (The Spawater Chronicles)

by Barry Tighe

This book is for all who love blackjack, for all who want to know how card-counting actually works and for all who want to be cured of gambling addiction. It shows both sides of the gambling world.
Casino is volume three of The Spawater Chronicles, a
seven-part series relating the adventures of a group of friends, descendents of the Romans, in the old Roman town of Spawater. It tells how the local Health and Safety zealots have torpedoed that hitherto unsinkable
institution, The Lifeboat Club. By bottom-of-the-pack dealing the council intend to purchase it for peanuts and flatten it to make the car park for a government approved supercasino – Unless Jady and his friends can turn up trumps.
Odds on a good, dirty fight.
From the Inside Flap
Jady stands to make a fortune if he can produce the world’s only unprofitable casino. To get rich his casino must lose a million in six months. But how? For someone with Jady’s ability to deal from the bottom with a smile, anything is possible.
Comedy Fiction
From the Back Cover
Health n’Safety zealots have shut Jady’s club. Spawater council intends to purchase it for a derisory few chips and replace it with a government-approved supercasino. But Jady and his winos, heads and gamblers of Spawater – will defend their loser lifestyles all the way to the gutter. Can Jady run the Lifeboats’ casino at a loss and inspire folk to turn tables on the council and come up trumps?

5.0 out of 5 stars Filling the bathroom slippers of the great Douglas Adams. Just finished book three, CASINO. Easily the best researched and engaging of the Spawater series. Jady and the crew have grown up to the realities of the world but not let realities corrode their plans and ideals. Barry Tighe is shaping up to fill the bathroom slippers of the great Douglas Adams. Enjoy 🙂 –Marti Atkins. Amazon UK

5.0 out of 5 stars casino is the BEST!!! This is a great book that is certain fun for anyone who reads it! With multidimensional views, quirky characters, great analagies, and side splitting quotes, this book is guaranteed to make you laugh. I recommend reading all three books in order, to understand the characters better. The characters are like everyone you’ll ever know, but put into words better than real life! They grow on you like old friends, with real personalities and minds of their own. the author weaves a hilarious story of Jady, who must have WAY to much time on his hands, and how he outwitts the council, Deludo, and social services… Look out Spawater HERE COMES JADY!!!:) –Tara Davis. Amazon US



Conference Table Potties: Number Five

by Patrick Waldron

NUMBER FIVE is what you get when seven people work on a project.

Conference Table Potties: NUMBER FIVE is a single cartoon rewritten another three hundred times. Waldron scratched around and flushed out even more snot blowing captions you’ll bend over laughing to, I promise.

The humor stems from work frustrations, committee frustrations, class discussion frustrations, family meeting frustrations–anytime people get together frustrations. It makes a great gift.



Conference Table Potties: Number Four

by Patrick Waldron

You get NUMBER FOUR when you add number two with number two.

Conference Table Potties: NUMBER FOUR is a single cartoon rewritten another three hundred times. Waldron is overflowing, even folks in the back will catch this, and these captions will flush out even more laughs.

The humor stems from work frustrations, committee frustrations, class discussion frustrations, family meeting frustrations–anytime people get together frustrations. It makes a great gift.



Conference Table Potties: Number Three

by Patrick Waldron

Who would even guess there was a NUMBER THREE?

Conference Table Potties: NUMBER THREE is a single cartoon rewritten another three hundred times. Waldron has pulled it off again, everybody is ready to go, and you will jump up and down as you read it.

How can one drawing inspire so many wise cracks? Have our lives become too dependent on senseless meetings and committees?

The humor stems from work frustrations, committee frustrations, class discussion frustrations, family meeting frustrations–anytime people get together frustrations. It makes a great gift.



Quiz For Kids – Amphibian & Reptile (Series 5)

by Richard Yap

Quiz For Kids-Amphibian/Reptile (Series 5)

Quiz for Kids – Amphibian/Reptile is the 5th Quiz For Kids eBook series and is currently available in Amazon Kindle Store. This pictorial “Quiz & Learn” eBook provides easier learning as it comes with colorful animal photos to test kids on how well they know about animals. Other than Wikipedia and educational books, quiz increases kid’s knowledge. Quiz is another creative form of education which can give them an early head start. Knowledge enlightens and empowers!

The ONLY Pictorial “Quiz & Learn” Quiz For Kids-Amphibian/Reptile eBook.

Questions such as:

Which is the fastest snake on land in the world?

What is the heartbeat rate for crocodile?

Which part of snakes is used for smelling?

What do you call a male alligator?

Which snake uses poison to kill prey?

Why lizards can climb straight walls and glass?

How do crocodiles clean their teeth?

and many other questions….

Quiz For Kids – When answered wrongly, the same question will be shown again for the kids to choose…until the correct answer is picked! Kids will learn more with parents to provide encouragements. It is a powerful way for learning. Whether you consider it as quiz or trivia questions, this eBook will certainly aid the learning process while the photos will help the kids to identify the animals. With photos, it is undoubtedly the easier way to learn. Other than Wikipedia, kids will be more knowledgeable, informed and tend to appreciate more about amphibian/reptile animals. Give the kids a strong start while having fun learning about amphibian/reptile animals. It will inculcate an inquisitive spirit while exposing them to the amphibian/reptile kingdom. A healthy habit which can start from young and be useful in later years.

Quiz For Kids – Amphibian/Reptile eBook is the 5th Series and other Quiz For Kids eBook include Bird, Fish, Animal are also available in Amazon Kindle Store.



Twilight of the Star Vampires (Book 1) A Parody of the Twilight Saga, Star Wars and Star Trek

by Paula Sunsong

What happens when Twilight Saga vampire Edward Cullen meets Darth Vader meets Vulcan Spock? That question is answered in this parody of the Twilight Saga, Star Wars and Star Trek. The book contains space fights, vampire bites and romantic nights with a Jetti Knight, Werewolf, Vulcan and Vampire love triangle (quadrangle?).

It asks the age old questions: Can a Jetti knight find love with a Klingon vampire? What if Chewbaca was a werewolf? Will Edward defy his vampire instincts and satisfy his desire in a different way with Padma, Princess Leia’s and Luke Skywalker’s mother?

This is a New Adult Paranormal and Science Fiction Parody based on #1 Bestselling series

Chapter 1 Animal Passions

Year: 1850 Location: Planet Vullcan

Spocko reached the bottom of the steps to the sacred Temple of Logic. One hundred-foot high statues stood at either side of the temple, looking to the Vullcan valley below. The statues’ faces were stoic, even almost stern.

Spocko contemplated the statue of Mentix, the godfather of militant logic. Mentix had saved the Vullcans from themselves. Vullcans had been a violent race, driven by emotions. Mentix had led Vullcans to the peaceful, although maybe sometimes dull, philosophy of logic.

“May I be worthy,” said Spocko. He quickly dismissed thoughts of his unworthy and emotional, human side.

Spocko climbed the steps toward T’Pow, the Vullcan high priestess. She was flanked on either side by Vullcan priests dressed in broad shouldered robes, quilted with Vullcan symbols of logic.

“Welcome Spocko to the Temple of Pure Logic,” said T’Pow. “Our ancestors cast out their animal passions on this very soil.”

Spocko looked down, and imagined an orgy of writhing, naked, Vullcan bodies.

“No, no, I mean gave up passionate emotions,” said T’Pow shaking her head. Her telepathy evidently was working well and she was reading Spocko’s mind. “The men always make that mistake.” T’Pow eyed Spocko evilly as one last image of a Vullcan orgy crossed his mind. “No I don’t look like that naked,” said T’Pow, “and I’m not that flexible.”

The Vullcan priests smirked, and then quickly changed to an emotionless expression as T’Pow glared at them.

“By casting out emotions, they saved our race from ourselves,” continued T’Pow. “They attained the ultimate of pure logic and the ecstasy of pure logic.”

The priests smirked again at the word “ecstasy.”

“Spocko, you have achieved much over the years and proven yourself exceptional. You have cleansed yourself of dirty emotions. You have proven yourself worthy to join us. Come. Receive the symbolic necklace of Pure Logic.”

Spocko bowed his head in humble acknowledgement of the praise.

“Kneel,” said T’Pow, indicating the ground.

Spocko kneeled on the carved stone ground. T’Pow placed the elaborate necklace resembling computer circuitry around Spocko’s neck.

“And now for the completion of the ceremony,” said T’Pow. She tilted her head back and opened her mouth wide. Her incisors lengthened into fangs. T’Pow struck Spocko’s neck like a snake biting. Despite the pain, Spocko barely flinched, only his eyelids flickered. T’Pow drank his green blood, a few drops spilling down his neck. Their minds briefly melded. Spocko’s eyes flew open as he saw into T’Pow’s mind and her many years of experience. Her knowledge was much larger than he had realized. Her thoughts flowed into and through his mind. He saw a picture of the current temple landscape with him kneeling before her, to a landscape of Vullcan elders jostling for power, and T’Pow triumphing as the head of the Temple. Then the images flowed into the pure logic of mathematics, equations streaming past him like a river of knowledge. All too quickly, T’Pow withdrew her fangs. The view of her mind faded from Spocko’s mind.

“Now you are initiated into the Vulcanturi, the Vampire Vullcan elite,” said T’Pow.



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