Free humour Kindle books for 23 Dec 13

TMI Mom Bites the Big Apple: Essays

by Heather Davis

When a tired, small-town mom from the Midwest is offered the chance to fly away to The Big Apple for just 24 hours – if only for a chance to sleep without being touched, breathed on or poked by her husband or her children – she dashes away and lets the city enter her soul. Spending a night in Times Square prior to her nationally televised talk show debut, Heather Davis takes her readers along with her as she experiences New York City for the first time. Hilarity will ensue. Oh, will it ensue. The short collection of humorous essays also includes the first essay in Davis’ upcoming book, TMI Mom: Oversharing My Life.

Praise for Heather Davis:
“The antithesis of the Pioneer Woman, Heather Davis keeps it real.  Proceed with caution, serious types.  Everyone else, buckle up for a wild and funny ride. – Heather “FloJo” Sheffield

“If Heather Davis doesn’t make you laugh, you might need medication.” – Lela Davidson, author of Blacklisted from the PTA

Heather Davis WOULD tell if you if those pants made you look fat, then invite you out for cheesecake. – Dani Stone, author of “No Place Like Home” and “Next Left”

“Heather’s sweet and perhaps a little crazy. Also I know for a fact that she drove her minivan down a bike path in Arkansas. But that’s just because she’s from Oklahoma and doesn’t know any better. -Stephanie McCratic, Evolved Mommy blog
 
“He’s the only person I know who can find the funny in going to the gyno. Next funeral I have to go to, I’m taking her with me.” – C.D. Jarmola, author of Murder Goes to Church
 
“Heather will beat the s#!+ out of a hanging lamp in a hotel room just to keep her friends safe.” Shannon Hahm, Still Seeking Martha blog
 
“I leave my child in the car for 15 second while I put the shopping cart up and get a 20 minute lecture from a concerned citizen about the dangers of leaving my child. Heather actually drives away leaving her child in a restaurant bathroom, blogs about it and gets a multi-year, multi-book deal and a trip to New York City.” – Jennifer McMurrain, author of Quail Crossings
 
“That Heather Davis is a sly one. She puts on this sweet persona of a junior high English teacher-minivan-mom-Oklahoma salt-of-the-earth woman. You think you have her figured out and then she slams you with the unexpected, can’t-believe-she-said that oversharing hilarity. Who confesses that she uses Jersey Shore for hairstyling tips or that she nearly peed her pants in Lowes? Heather does. And we all keep coming back to see what she’ll say next.” – Angie Albright, A Growing Season blog



The Lone Ranger – 1 (The Classic TV Series)

by Clare Sieffert

A fiery horse with the speed of light, a cloud of dust, and a hearty “Hi Yo, Silver”

The Lone Ranger!

This, the first volume in this series, contains reviews of the first three television episodes, which recount The Lone Ranger’s origin story. This volume also includes an essay about the radio episodes that were adapted to become part of that origin story. And there’s an essay about why all of that is moot, because The Lone Ranger’s origin was never important or central to the character anyway.

Did you know that The Lone Rangerâ?¦

>> was created back in 1933 as a radio drama? Over 3,300 radio episodes were broadcast over more than 21 years.

>> radio show once featured a beautiful woman who loved the Masked Man and knew who he was? This young lady was on the show for months but never let the Ranger see her face.

>> had a nephew who rode Silver’s son and became the father of Britt Reid, The Green Hornet?

>> Silver wore silver horseshoes?

>> The only time Clayton Moore ever shouted “Hi Yo, Silver” on film was in a Ray Ban sunglasses commercial?

>> As far back as 1938 Tonto has always been portrayed on film by a full blooded Native American – until Johnny Depp of course.

Even if you were lucky enough to watch the Clayton Moore – Jay Silverheels TV series, or even luckier and listened to the Earl Graser or Brace Beemer radio episodes, your memory may have distorted things over time. And it’s a cinch that Disney, the producer of the new Lone Ranger movie, doesn’t have a clue.

Nowadays, most people’s perception of who The Lone Ranger and Tonto were, is formed more from Lone Ranger jokes than from the actual radio and TV programs. Many people are under the wildly incorrect impression that Tonto was a servant or acted subserviently. And they have no idea how charismatic, commanding, intimidating, and sometimes downright scary the original radio Lone Ranger could be. They also don’t know that the radio Masked Man did not always act in a 100% politically correct manner.

This series was written by one of the world’s foremost experts on the actual content of both the radio and television episodes. In appreciation for her contributions to The Lone Ranger online forum, she was awarded the title of “The Lady Ranger”.

In each of the books in this series, you will find two or three television episode reviews and one essay on a general Lone Ranger topic. Each review consists of a detailed synopsis of the episode, quotes of memorable dialogue, and commentary, questions and criticism. Some also include a discussion of a topic that relates to the episode, such as the use of torture by fictional villains and heroes of the 1930s, 40s, and 50s.

Buy “The Lone Ranger” Now, Before The Price Goes Up!

You will have almost as much fun reading about The Lone Ranger and Tonto as The Lady Ranger had writing about them.



Dandy Day

by Annie Wood

Can a Neurotic, Woman-Child, Over-Thinker Find True Love?

Dandy Day sure hopes so.

Dandy Day is a thirty-five year old free-spirited, commitment-phobic, Venice Boardwalk roller skating waitress. When Dandy is suddenly dumped by her therapist, right when they were on the brink of figuring out why her relationships last only a whopping three months, Dandy decides to take her relationship issues into her own hands. With the reluctant help of her lifelong best friend, Simon, Dandy tracks down her exes one by one and does a relationship autopsy on each of them in order to get to the bottom of her relationship challenged life.

Ë?Ë?Ë? A short novel about love, friendship and grown ups (sort of) growing up (sort of).

Scroll up and grab a copy today!



104 WAYS: Of saying Sod off

by Daniel England

104 WAYS: Of saying “Sod off” is a fun and irreverent look at the art of telling people to go away without actually saying the magic words.

If you have a healthy disdain of other people who are, let’s face it, not your intellectual equals, then this book is for you.

From pet centipedes through to elaborate train sets via Scientology and boasting about swimming certificates, we have pretty much every idea possible*.

With reviews such as “What on earth is wrong with you?!” and “I don’t review books” how can you resist?

*This is probably not true, especially if I decide make a sequel



Ruin Your Life Now: How To Use The Power of Affirmations To Destroy Your Life

by Dicklaus Pansy

   RUIN YOUR LIFE NOW

Do you want to learn how to use the Law of Attraction to ruin your life and the lives of others?

Do you want to gain massive amounts of weight and develop a constellation of medical conditions in no time flat?

Do you want to alienate people and deepen your already wretched loneliness?

Do you want to be in debt up to your eyeballs and ruin your financial future?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, this book is exactly what you need. I will teach you everything you need to know about affirmations and to use them to ruin your life, often in as little as 30 days.


 

Here is what people are saying about my revolutionary life destroying affirmations

 

” What can I say? My life is completely and utterly ruined using these affirmations , I’ve never been in more debt and alone than I am now”—Jason E NY

 

” You really F-cking ruined my life, thanks a lot DICK” —Sabrina S (My ex-girlfriend)

 

“Using your relationship affirmations I found a person who fulfills my every need to self sabotage, I deserve it, thank you” — Eliza M. UK

 

I have never smelled so badly in my life, thanks ” — Jessie, C. VT

 

Ruining your life can be fast and easy and this book will show you how. Learn revolutionary affirmations that will awaken your self sabotaging inclinations and entrench them deeply into your subconscious mind for the rest of your life.

You too can experience the power of my affirmations; I promise, if you buy this book, you will soon be on the path to Total Self Destruction (or very close to it) in no time, often in 30 days or less.

Here is a sample of the affirmations you will learn:

  • I bring endless shame to my family.

  • When my mother first laid her eyes on me, she lost her mind.

  • My family does not know what is more haunting, my presence or a poltergeist.

  • I have a horrible job with horrible pay. I do a horrible service in a horrible way.

  • Coastlines recede as I approach them.

  • My waistline can be measured in Yards.

  • When I fall, I leave behind a crater.

  • My appearance encourages the terrified screams of young children.




Young Adult Devotional – Belly Buttons and Broken Hearts: A 30-Day Shock and Awe Devotional (Teen Devotional)

by Cyle Young

Belly Buttons and Broken Hearts is a 30 day Bible-based, belly bustin’ devotional for teens and tweens. Filled with crazy life stories about stuff like aliens and passing gas on a horse, it will leave you laughing ’til you cry and motivate you to live life large.



How To Make Your First Movie Like A Pro

by Jim Cameron

The road to the Oscars is littered with film-makers who spent lots of money making a film that ended up looking amateurish and cheap. This book will help you learn how to avoid being left on the side of that road by spending very little money and getting funding and other support from pros in the industry. Even though a directing is very difficult to break into, it isn’t impossible if you follow the rules and suggestions in this book.

Maybe you have been a film lover for years or maybe it’s a new-found passion. It’s possible to catch the directing bug no matter how long you have been studying film So how do you take the steps to actually make a film?

You will find out within these pages…



Neon Lights

by Zig Zag Claybourne

If you haven’t laughed at anything other than national politics this year, you need NEON LIGHTS, the 2-in-one novel about writing and the awesome powers of amazing cleavage, combining the socio-political Kung Fu of Chris Rock with the raw sexuality of The Disney Channel.

Nothing problematic about that.



The Beaujolais Society: An unbelievable true story that you may find hard to believe!

by Bob Perrett

The Beaujolais Society is a hilarious, inspirational, tear-jerking romantic comedy that begins just before Christmas in 1993. It is a true-life novel in which every single thing that happens actually took place TO THE LETTER.* Where a couple of the characters present as shallow or barely credible, it’s because they are REAL people who were, at the time, shallow and barely credible in real life. This book took 20 years to write because, as you will come to realise, at the time not everyone was available to talk freely about what had happened. Even then it took a LOT of coaxing to get the full story and circumstances out of everyone involved.

(* Unless there’s a global conspiracy of big fat liars or some of those involved are suffering from the psychological condition known as ‘false memory syndrome’.)

With a couple of minor exceptions none of the names have been changed to protect the embarrassed or guilty, because they have all given their consent in writing for the unabridged details of their youthful wayward folly to be published. Some of the romantic bits are rather jolly though, so you might want to have a box of tissues to hand just in case. A few of you might even decide to seek out a similar romance.**

(** The publisher accepts no responsibility for any acts of stupidity you may commit after reading this book. If you suspect you may be prone to wanton stupidity, it may be best to lay off the grog when looking for romance.)

The author is pictured on the rear cover in 2005 wearing a pre-owned Levellers (folk rock band) T-shirt he paid £30 for a few years earlier. Even then it was so old it was slightly threadbare. Yes, that’s right, it’s the most important picture of his professional and artistic life, and he’s wearing a second-hand T-shirt with holes in it!

What others are saying:

‘If I pretend I like it can I have another free meal?’ The tramp/hobo who said his name was Jesus and we gave two cheese omelettes with salad in exchange for a half-decent review of A Pat on the Head, also by Bob Perrett.

‘I was feeling surprisingly mellow after reading A Pat on the Head by the same author, but now I think I may have to give him an atomic wedgie â?¦ unless he buys me a pint â?¦ that might work. One or two pints sounds like fun. Maybe even three. Eight doesn’t. Eight is silly. I learnt that in this book. Eight pints can make people do silly things!’ The Elder God Cthulhu.

‘Please also consider reading The Word of Dog by Max Merrybear and A Pat on the Head by Bob Perrett. It might help me stay â?¦ calm.’ Mr Ibbs.***

(*** Mr Ibbs is a character in the comic fiction novel A Pat on the Head by Bob Perrett set in 1928. Some say he’s like a demented gorilla â?¦ by which we mean Mr Ibbs, not Bob. Bob is mostly harmless.)



100 Best Kindle Games

by Theo Paschal

Looking for that “special” Kindle game to play? Try our list of the Best 100 Kindle Games. To make our top 100 list, the game must:

– Have at least a 4 star rating

– Be compatible with all the Kindle models. Starting with the Kindle Fire to the Kindle HDX.

– Cost $1.99 or less. 87 of the games are FREE.

The games are categorized into:

– Action and Arcade

– Adventure

– Cards & Casino

– Cars & Racing

– Kids & Education

– Puzzles & Trivia

– Sports

– Strategy & Simulation

Download the “100 Best Kindle Games” and start playing!



HOPPO, THE DOC & THE NEANDERTHAL

by Don De Lene

For most country towns in southeast Australia, much of the social life in winter revolves around their Football and Net Ball Clubs. Football, especially, brings a sense of belonging to rural communities, uniting them in a common cause, albeit superficial, slight and ephemeral. Your team’s success or lack of success the previous Sunday is a talking point for most of the following week and helps the locals take their minds off their daily struggles in life.

This short tale is about a particular incident that occurred at the footy last season in my home town. An incident that continues to capture the imagination of the locals as it’s retold again and again, enhanced and exaggerated, firmly entrenching itself into local folklore. This is the legendary tale about Hoppo, â??The Doc’ and the Neanderthal.



The Un-Realized YOU

by Sascha Benjamin Cohen

The last, best DIY self-help guide that any lazy bum, neurotic dieter, or average joe will ever, ever need.



Trickling Waterfalls (Oceans of Sole)

by I.P. Freely

Everyone needs a good laugh now and then, but why do I always have to be the butt of everyone’s jokes? I guess I made a lot of mistakes in life. The harder I try to be perfect, the more life keeps trickling down more grief like a trickling waterfall of madness.

It’s life. It’s real. It’s mine. And I’m going to hell for opening up like this for sure. But hey, that’s why ….I.P. Freely.



Lapple Puzzle Book #4: 1000 Overlapping Words Puzzles (LAPPLE IQ PUZZLES)

by Kalman Toth M.A. M.PHIL.

HAVE ENDLESS FUN WITH SOLVING LAPPLE PUZZLES & PUT YOUR BRAIN IN TOP OPERATING CONDITION! SOLUTIONS ARE PROVIDED FOR EACH PUZZLE.

Welcome to the world of lapple puzzles! All puzzles are fun and entertaining, and this newly created puzzle idea is interesting and stimulating for all ages. Lapple puzzles not only help you learn new words and definitions, they can improve your memory, increase your effective IQ, enhance your language skills, and exercise your mind’s muscles for long-term learning.

What is a Lapple Puzzle?

A lapple puzzle is an overLAPPing words puzzle. Each puzzle is a string of 127 letters. The word overlap is from one to four letters. The objective is the find consecutive overlapping words by following the string from beginning to end. For example, in the string DEVOTIONICES, one finds the words DEVOTION, I, ION, ON, NICE, ICE, and ICES.

Why Do Word Puzzles?

1. Word puzzles help the mind.

The health benefits of word and logic puzzles can prove worthwhile. Your brain needs regular playtime to form new patterns and complex neural networks naturally. Word puzzles require brain exertion (exercise). Therefore, word puzzles improve memory and encourage better brain function. This can lead to more brainpower, increased skill, and improved concentration and memory.

Scientists have found that the brain actually reorganizes itself in response to new challenges, and a word puzzle provides a challenge. In addition, word puzzles are good for your mind’s cognitive (thinking and memory) development.

2. Word puzzles teach problem-solving skills.

Playing puzzles affects the thinking side of your brain, which forces you to solve problems logically. The skill of effective problem solving is a valuable and important one. A puzzle cannot be completed by cheating! An answer is either right or wrong. Therefore, word puzzles teach you to use your own mind to figure out how to think in a logical way to solve problems.

3. Word puzzles teach perseverance.

Word puzzles can be challenging, requiring â??practice makes perfect’ mentality with repeated attempts at solution. The persistence required to continue attempting a challenging puzzle after repeated failures is a great lesson. In addition, once you see how to complete the puzzle very quickly, you still need to practice. Practice is necessary to master the way chosen to solve the puzzle. This teaches you to focus.

4. Word puzzles teach critical thinking skills.

Working word puzzles requires an alert mind. Word puzzles promote thinking and stimulate the brain. They encourage the mind to exercise and sharpen cognitive skills.

Deduction is an important critical thinking skill. The puzzles in this book are perfect for learning organizational skills and practicing the process of elimination. Answers need to be sought and found. Thus, you must focus to deduce answers.

Working independently on a puzzle helps develop a sense of responsibility. As you work word puzzles, you will often develop a strategy to work each puzzle faster and more efficiently. This helps you learn to achieve small goals as a means toward a larger goal. Building an individual learning strategy helps you reach conclusions, an important critical thinking skill.

5. Word puzzles build self-confidence.

Solving puzzles teaches the ability to overcome problems. A puzzle solver usually gets frustrated at first when they try to solve puzzles, but that feeling lessens as they solve more and more puzzles. When you finally solve a puzzle, you experience a sense of accomplishment.

Once you successfully complete a puzzle, you will most likely be happy to try another one. Then, the more you complete word puzzles, the more you will be able to do so quickly. If you have fun and success in word games, you will feel more secure and comfortable, and thus more self-confident.

The lapple puzzles in this book teach the importance of how to work through difficulties and cope with impatience or anxiety.



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