Free humour Kindle books for 25 Dec 13

Caddy Tales

by Scott Werner

Golf stories are funny, caddie stories are hilarious! Caddy Tales is proof of this statement. Scott has done an outstanding job of putting a few of his actual caddying experiences on paper which allows the reader to feel like they are sitting in the same room reliving the stories.

These tales capture the comedy that ensues when players from all walks of life take a caddie. Read about the million dollar hole in one prize. Check out the golf present that a billionaire gets for their birthday. Find out what happens when a caddie gets run over by a golf cart. Recap the round in which the highest score was ever recorded for a round of golf. Get the real reason why a professional caddie had to spend $509.00 to change his nickname. Meet the angriest golfer ever to walk on this planet. And of course see who wins the Zero Gravity prize valued at $ 25,000.00 for the closest to the pin during the Member/Guest tournament . Without a doubt, one of the funniest golf books ever written.



The Henchmen’s Book Club

by Danny King

Mark Jones is a henchman for hire. He guards bunkers, patrols perimeters and stands around in a boiler suit waiting to get knocked out by Ninjas. This is his job.

He’s worked for some of the most notorious super villains the world has ever known – Doctor Thalassocrat, Victor Soliman, Polonius Crump; Mark was with each of them when they met their makers at the hands of British Secret Service super-spy, Jack Tempest and lived to tell the tale – if not pay the bills.

Still for every hour under gunfire there are weeks if not months of sitting around on monorails so Jones starts a book club with his fellow henchmen to help pass the time.

It was only meant to be a bit of fun.

It was never meant to save the world.



Candy Crush Saga: sweet Cheats, Tips, and Help to Easily Pass Levels 1 to 35 (Candy Crush Saga Level Guides)

by Anna Maria Gabriel

Are you interested in playing Candy Crush Sagaâ??the newest gaming craze that has taken Facebook and the mobile gaming community by storm?

Or are you already addicted to the sweet feeling of crushing candies? Have you been playing the same level over and over just to pass it and get to the next, or are you trying to beat all your friends to the high score?

The gameplay of Candy Crush Saga is deceptively simple. With cute graphics and a game board that’s reminiscent of the classic Candy Land many of us enjoyed in our youth, it’s easy to believe Candy Crush Saga will be just as easy. Based on the “match three” game format popularized by Bejeweled, Candy Crush Saga quickly becomes very difficult, and it’s easy to waste hours replaying levels over and over just to beat them, let alone get a good score.

With this Candy Crush Saga guidebook, you’ll learn the secrets to beating this delicious game, achieving the highest scores possible, and conquering every level faster than all your friends.

HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL FIND INSIDE

– Candy Crush Saga overview

– Instructions for playing the gameâ??you’d be surprised how many of your friends don’t know these simple facts about the game

– Top 5 most helpful tips and tricks for beating levels, passing your friends, and getting high scores

– Detailed instructions on how to beat every level from 1 to 35â??if you want to beat the dreaded Lemonade Lake episode that makes so many people quit, you MUST get these game-winning tricks

– Visual reference to all game elements and screen shots for every level from 1 to 35

– An explanation of the different game modes, including target score levels, jelly levels, timed levels, ingredient drop levels, and candy order levels, along with tricks to help you beat them

– Secrets for using boosters, special candy combos, and other game elements to win more levels

BONUS CONTENT

– Cheats for getting free lives in Candy Crush Saga

– Cheats for resetting the board to increase your chances of winningâ??without losing lives

– All the best tips and strategies for beating every level in the game, no matter what level you are on

– Point values for every move in Candy Crush Saga, so you can maximize your score and get three stars in every level

This book includes detailed instructions for beating some of the hardest levels in the game, including:

– Candy Crush Saga Level 23

– Candy Crush Saga Level 29

– Candy Crush Saga Level 30

– Candy Crush Saga Level 33

– Candy Crush Saga Level 35

Introduced in April 2012 on Facebook and November 2012 on mobile devices, Candy Crush Saga was developed by King.com and boasts more than 50 million Facebook likes and well over 15 million players daily.

So what are you waiting for? Download this book now, and get the sugar rush that can only come from crushing delicious candies and scoring ever more points in Candy Crush Saga.

Please note: This is an ebook about the gameâ??it is not the Candy Crush Saga game itself. This book is purely for informational purposes. The author and publisher are not affiliated with King.com or the Candy Crush Saga game.



O Father: A Murder Mystery (O Father Murder Mystery)

by Bill Dodds

Here’s the fast-paced and lighthearted story of Kevin Fitzpatrickâ??a self-effacing single father and “Rockford Files” fanâ??who enrolls in a private-eye course to hone his skills as a mystery writer. He’s soon put to the test when his nephew is accused of murder, and Mountlake Terrace, Washington, has never been the same. It’s the first volume in the O Father Murder Mystery series.



Michael Did What?

by Michael Cavallo

Or perhaps the question should read, “What Hasn’t Michael Done?”

Michael’s achievements range from the simplest of tasks to the grandest of accomplishments. Michael’s ubergreatness knows no bounds!

*The secret to Michael’s three-bean salad is that unprecedented fourth bean.*

*While Moses parted the Red Sea, Michael parted the Red Sox. He then singled up the middle, driving in two.*

*Go mano-a-mano with Michael, and you’ll be left manoless.*

*Michael hears the Pope’s confessions.*

*Michael proved that if you watch â??The Hollywood Squares’ on a 3D television, it becomes â??The Hollywood Cubes.’

*There are currently over 90,000 personal ads listed under “Women Seeking Michael.”*

*Michael discovered the atomic weight of the periodic table, which is 3.65 ounces.*

*Irrational numbers make complete sense to Michael.*

*Sales skyrocketed when Michael suggested that George Foreman change the name of his Foreskin Grill.*

Michael’s resume is truly something beautiful to behold. These are only a few of Michael’s exploits. Actually, most of these were done just last Friday, right after lunch. â??Michael Did What?’ contains over 350 more of his greatest triumphs, in every category imaginable, as well as some which defy categorization. â??Michael Did What?’ was collected to leave you impressed, in awe, and incontinent.

*Michael put Twinkies on the map. He then moved them because he couldn’t see the capital of Argentina.*



The Dead of August

by Panayotis Cacoyannis

James and June have been happily married for seventeen years, and they live with their teenage son in a small flat in central London. James’s â??fairytale’ celebrity obituaries are currently all the rage, and June is an up-and-coming author of violent and sexually explicit Radical Feminist fiction. Although they’ve always shared a loathing of each other’s work, recently their arguments are coming to a head. June is permanently moody, and she never seems to want to have sex any more. When James begins to suspect that she’s having an affair, his whole world is threatened with mid-life collapse. Over three successive Augusts, and distracted by scandals and colourful deaths, he drifts in unlikely directions while he tries to decide whether June can be trusted or his marriage has finally fallen apart.



101 Limericks About Public Speaking

by Glen Ford

Public speaking is one of the easiest skills to develop. However, it’s also the greatest fear for most people. Surveys have indicated that speaking in public is more fearful that death! Being able to laugh at your fears is one great way to eliminate their fear. And if you can learn something along the way — all the better! In this light-hearted look at public speaking, you’ll learn what to avoid, what to do and you’ll learn to leave fear rolling on the floor. Each limerick is beautifully illustrated by Aputik Gardner.



People on Planes: A Collection of Short Stories From Above

by Brian Krogstad

Have you ever wondered why that smarmy sales guy won’t quit, even when it’s obvious to both of you that you’re not buying what he’s selling? Have you ever made a snap judgment about someone’s character – only to find out that you were completely wrong?

I live in California yet work for Celebrity Magician Criss Angel in Las Vegas.  Needless to say, I find myself flying three to four times per week. Those that fly know. This 10.000+ word collection of short stories set on airplanes will let you see the strangers around you in an entirely new light – and what you learn just might surprise you.

People on Planes is perfect reading for, and can be read front to back on, any flight. You may find yourself sitting next to one of the characters that you’re reading about.

Safe Travels & Good Reading!



Yet Another SE(Story of an Indian Software Engineer)

by Simon saha

India is a country full of Population, Poverty, Illiteracy and ………. Software Engineers? How you wondered how? Read the first professional satire on Indian Software Engineers by Simon Saha

As dramatic as Bollywood movie where the Software Industry plays the villain

Rohit was yet another ordinary Software Engineer surviving somehow in recession times until he finally met the girl of his life. But the prospects of his marriage lasted upon placing the incompetent brother of his bride. At the same time, Rohit also had to manipulate his bosses to let him win a foreign trip and a promotion to save for his marriage and his post marriage costs.

How did he achieve all this? Especially when his project deadline was on day of his marriage?

Ë?Ë?Ë? This book is the first of its kind and gives a great insight on Indian Software Industry

Its a clean comical satire which any office guy would relate to.

Scroll up and grab a copy today



The Good Kitty Series

by Beatrice Wellman

Four short stories for your entertainment. Shaky Butt is a cat with attitude and he knows a jerk when he sees one. The stories are told from the point of view of a woman going through a difficult time in a difficult marriage. There is dark humor and a few laughs along the way, but the star of each story is Shakespeare the cat.



Kevin Michael Fifteen Book Parody Boxed Set

by Lacy Maran

Warning: this fifteen part parody collection takes aim at sparkling vampires, bad boy billionaires, dystopian love triangles, hunky shirtless werewolves, S&M inspired kinkiness, and talentless reality stars.

So get ready for a skewering like no other in this wet blanket of irreverence.

Also check out “Kevin Michael 30 Book Boxed Set.”



The Deliberate Dilettante

by Daisy Thurbin

Once againThurbin strikes that balance between personal memoir and real life situations that everyone can relate to. The Deliberate Dilettante is neither sequel nor prequel to her previous work,The Itinerant Pleasure Seeker, but like it, this book is comprised of a series of vignettes. And once again, the biographical accounts of Thurbin’s adventures and misdaventures make no effort to hide the author’s own shortcomings and misjudgments. Some of her exploits beggar belief while others involve hardly a foray away from home.

The book is written in roughly chronological order, but each chapter tells a story and can stand on its own; So it can be read either in its entirety or as individual chapters that are of particular interest to the reader. Perhaps less of a travelogue than her previous work, it nonetheless includes a plethora of useful and interesting information about the various places the author’s travels have taken her – and affords the reader the benefit of Thurbin’s hindsight in order to avoid the pitfalls she encountered, should the reader venture to those hinterlands him or herself. Thurbin manages through it all to retain a sense of humour, the one essential item that travellers to destinations both far and near must not forget to pack.



In the Grotto: Elrood the Elf

by Eddie McGarrity

It’s not all jam you know, being an employee at the North Pole.

Join Elrood the elf on his first three adventures as he takes a grown-up look at the world of working in the world’s greatest toy factory.

“Elrood’s Story” gives you a tour of the grotto like you have never seen before. Elrood’s “unique” viewpoint gives an insight into canteen cutlery, production line management, and how the Northern Lights are really made.

“Complex Future” sees Elrood feeling lucky to join the Finance department only to find himself mixed up in a major financial crisis – only, don’t blame him.

“The Greatest Show in the Arctic” tells how the Polar Games come North for the first time in ages. Elrood joins the events committee. He’s left a few things off his CV which, not only leads to trouble, but also triumph in the “Trike Off!”



The Itinerant Pleasure Seeker

by Daisy Thurbin

Thurbin strikes that balance between personal memoir and real-life situations that everyone can relate to. Her book is comprised of a series of vignettes. The biographical accounts of Thurbin’s adventures and misdaventures make no effort to hide the author’s own shortcomings and misjudgments. She guides her readers through her travels and invites them to laugh with, and at times, at her. Some will take the reader to far-flung and remote destinations such as Siberia and Mongolia, and others provide glimpses into the lives and lifestyles of those closer to home. The book is written in chronological order, but each chapter tells a story and can stand on its own; So it can be read either in its entirety or as individual chapters that are of particular interest to the reader. While it does not hold itself out as a travel guide, it is in essence a travelogue, and contains much useful and interesting information about the various places the author’s own travels have taken her. Travelers – both those who have a bit of the wanderlust themselves and the armchair variety – will appreciate the descriptions of the journeys undertaken to destinations far and near. Those readers familiar with independent travel will appreciate the one essential for every trip – a sense of humour – and it is here in abundance. These adventures describe her often precarious, but always interesting forays that will no doubt leave readers wanting more.



Displaced People

by Charles Davis

The news from paradise is not good.

The insiders want to cover it in concrete, the outsiders want to profit from it, the migrants just want to get through it as best they can, and the xenophobes want to stomp all over it and anyone who gets in their way. In the meantime, Tom’s got a houseful of whores he can’t afford to feed, a dog that won’t stop fornicating, a girlfriend who already has, and a nagging vision of perfection that simply won’t leave him alone.

Is there any way of living together in Eden, el espectáculo mas fuerte de la Costa del Sol? Is there an answer to the eternal conundrum of is you is or is you ain’t my baby? Can the spiraling chaos be resolved before the neighbor acts on his threat to cut Tom’s head off? What are the police going to think when they find a bachelor with a little Arab boy hidden away in his mountain retreat? And what are we to make of â??a madwoman of pleasure licked with a wise language’?

These are just some of the questions that have to be answered if the Displaced People of Andalusia are to find themselves and, incidentally, one another, but the solutions are not easy, not least because nobody is entirely sure whether paradise is going to play itself out as tragedy or farce.



Periodic Hilarity

by Lacy Maran

Dopey politicians, bratty celebrities, athletes who refer to themselves in the third person–no one is spared. Periodic Hilarity is collection of fake news stories skewering pop culture, not so popular culture, and Mime’s. So don’t go to the bathroom again without bringing this parody treasury.

Also check out “Kevin Michael 30 Book Boxed Set”



Dear Letters, Love Joe

by JOE STOUT

A humorous collection of Facebook posts in letter form, addressing holidays, creatures of the undead, sexy cartoons, and other things one might think are pretty unimportant in life. A fun and awesome book. Absolutely one of the best reads for the value. Oddly insightful view from creative writer Joe Stout. This is a must have.



The Hermit

by Ray Holland

What do you think would happen if a dedicated career hermit were suddenly to find himself the object of a lovely young lady’s affections? To make the story more fun, let’s say this young lady is – ahem – a bit more active in her love life than some people would consider proper. Her father just happens to be the mayor of their village, and he views her behavior as a “political embarrassment” that could cost him the next election. All this adds up to a playfully-written story, sort-of-but-not-quite-a-parable, full of politicians plotting devious and underhanded schemes, a PR firm working feverishly to spin the heck out of the various scandals that result, a hermit whose spiritual journey goes terribly awry, and a girl who wishes people would just let her enjoy life in her own way.



Not In The Eye

by C Z Hazard

In a world running rapidly out of new ideas, the most precious commodity is innovation.

In a future so near that it may already be upon us, Western society faces cultural bankruptcy. Our creative heritage has been looted, recycled and plagiarised to the point of exhaustion. The entertainment industry has traded artistic merit for commercial success and mass appeal. Everything is just a rehash of something that came before. Nothing is original.

When a radical new phenomenon erupts (quite literally) onto the porno scene, it changes the industry forever, and forces audiences, jaded by endless reiteration, to sit up and take notice. It’s a watershed moment in these culturally bereft times, and – for a select few – it’s a chance to make some serious money.

But wherever there’s serious money to be made, you can bet there’s a lawsuit just around the corner.

Join Indigo Julius, self-styled godfather of NuGonzoâ?¢ journalism, as he searches for the story behind the story behind the most controversial porn sensation in history, and examines its far-reaching consequences. Across a series of probing interviews with the stars of this media spectacular, Indigo brings you their compelling – if often conflicting – versions of events, as everyone tries to stake a claim in this pornographic goldrush.

Novella, 27,000 words

Edited by Nico Reznick, with a cover design by Nick Calloway.



Bastard Petroleum

by Lawrence Steven Spak

What if the BP, Gulf of Mexico, oil spill had never been stopped. Doomtard fantasy book! Super humorous short “we’re all gonna die” stories. Written by a BP beach clean-up investigator working undercover in Florida, posing as a tourist! The chemical poisons unleashed, the near world catastrophe. The secrets hidden, but told here in sarcastic voice. Laugh your butt-off as the dolphins die and the ozone is destroyed by the gigantic methane release. Author is also the cover artist. Oily bird, gets the worm! Chapter Titles: Drill, Baby, Drill!….Food….The Evacuation of Tampa….Easy Bake Oven…..Nuke It….Benzene….Hydrogen Sulfide….Civilization….BP Spokesman….Fireants…..The Sky Is Falling…Raid…Oil Sheen…Bubba Beasley…..Dream……Thermophilic Bacteria…..Why…..Spok & Kirk…and lots more….GET THIS ONE WHILE YOU CAN! If BP offers me $250,000 for all rights, Sorry, I gotta sell! (hint)…



Key under blue pot and please milk the goat

by Marie Sever

Jean is a house sitter. She travels around mainland Britain to look after her clients’ houses, gardens and pets while they are on holiday. The animals she cares for range from chickens to goats, llamas to tortoises and innumerable cats and dogs. Encounters with a panty nicker, a bigamist and an alcoholic septuagenarian cause her grief. An indifferent husband, computer hacker son, multi-married sister and of course her in-laws make for a comic look at life.

This is the diary of her year.



Slave Trade Assassin. (A short Crime/Comedy). Georgian England. Book One. (Tom’s Tavern Trilogy.)

by A.D. James

FREE EBOOK. *Merry Christmas! This ebook will be free from 25-December-27 December 2013. A quick two line review would be most welcome by the Author.

A.D.James lives in the United Kingdom and is a professional writer, who has written comedy scripts, short stories, plays and has had numerous articles published in the media; on historical people and events.

(5 Stars. Rupert Hart-Brown. The Quill Book Club).

An entertaining read about the daily life in a maritime tavern in Georgian Liverpool. Good characters and well researched. If you like crime laced with dark comedy, this is the ebook for you.

(4 stars. Harriet Goldman. The Blood & Dagger Magazine).

A quick romp through Georgian Liverpool, against the backdrop of the slave trade. An assassin terrorises a maritime community, but Capt. Tom Smedley, who runs the local tavern is more occupied with the comedy chaos of family life. Full of humour and criminal suspense to keep you hooked.

‘1805: Tom’s Tavern, Mersey Quayside, Liverpool.’

Tom’s Tavern, owned by Captain Tom Smedley, an ex-privateer, is at the heart of a lively maritime community in Georgian Liverpool. Tom is always there to help his neighbours, whether it’s money on the slate until their ship came in or investigations into criminal activities that upset or angered someone. Tom lives above the tavern with his son, Jonathon, ( a love-lorn writer of the local newspaper); and his recently married daughter, Rose. The new arrival of baby Billy, has caused great upheaval in the cramped conditions they share. George, Rose’s husband, who managed the tavern, is sick of the baby crying and Rose is sick of him.

However, Tom is occupied with another arrival in town – a government sponsored assassin. Rumours fly around the community that the assassin is out to gun down the abolitionists; trying to bring an end to the slave trade and rich pickings for every fat merchant in Liverpool. At least the Captain’s love life with Sarah Collins, famous actress of the Theatre Royal, was more settled, until rumours of an alleged affair with the Duke of York (younger brother of Prince Regent) began to circulate in the local theatre. But Tom’s life gets more complicated, when the assassin guns down a prominent member of the maritime community.



Holiday, Inc.

by Anthony Caruso

Welcome to the North Pole.

Santa’s not the only one up here trying to run a holiday. The Easter Bunny, the Boogeyman, the Tooth Fairy and even a wet-blanket named Bill are conducting their business from here too, working for a company called Holiday Incorporated, where they are under the thumb and watchful eyes of the omnipresent Corporate Headquarters. When an unforeseen event causes the company to lose an unprecedented amount of money, Corporate sends a pair of mismatched managers to spend a year getting things back on track. Personalities clash, hijinks ensue and Santa drops a bombshell that no one wants to deal with. Not to mention Bill! Will the famously mythical figures pull in the massive profits Corporate is demanding, or will their beloved holidays be shut down for good?

A surreal satire about nine-to-five life and the commercialization of holidays, Holiday, Inc. reintroduces the famous legends of childhood to an adult audience in this comedic debut.



The Literature Tails Of Binky the Tabby Cat (The Tails of Binky the Tabby Cat)

by Amanda Harvey Purse

The third book in the series about a little tabby cat called Binky is finally here!

Meet Binky again as she uses her costume trunk to transform her into cat like version of famous, classic novels.

Such as The Christmas Catol, Mice in Wonderland and Cat Angels and Dog Demons.

Join in the Christmas Spirit as Binky also sings her versions of some Christmas Carols.

With a message and photographs of the actual cheeky cat in question.

If you fall in love with Binky and of course you will, you can now follow her on Facebook!



Toeing the Line (Men at Work)

by Leigh Barker

A lunch time read. Read time: ~ 1 hour… lunch time.

This is a true story, with only the names changed to protect the innocent… and avoid litigation. The incidents and insanity are from and about real people. Mad as it seems.

Another day in the life of the maintenance crew at Bullers – home of the Inflatable Girlfriend and Marital Aids Party Pack. Nick is the only maintenance fitter who knows how to keep the line running and production up. A position that some people would exploit for a comfortable life bating the bossesâ?¦ and Nick is no exception.

Spend a day with the team as they put in another complete hour’s work in between setting up paying work, having the company’s goods away for sale, and bating Badger, the Foreman, and Luigi the OCD Italian fitter who hates them all.

Another day in the trenches then, so lots of laughs and little work. No change there.



Wendy Swell in Wonderland

by Lawrence Steven Spak

In this more juvenile version of the Author/Artist’s Wonderland revisited series, a small girl is washed down a storm drain after a torrential rain-storm. The cast of characters is similar but way-way-far-out-man different! Included are lots and lots of the authors original surreal paintings. The story gets wacky and sarcastic as the trio ventures forth to play golf against the Red Queen; with a beach ball and a size #9 broom. Fun moments and arguing keep the reader laughing and immersed in the depth of the adventure. The mouse, a leopard, a tortoise and Wendy track on. Poetry (Lyrics to melodies) galore also by the author. Surprise ending. Reference to 1960’s TV shows and a ECOLOGY ending that will inform and keep you in stitches. ENJOY! ENJOY! ENJOY!



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