Free humour Kindle books for 29 Dec 13

‘Psycho’ Analysis: an interpretation of Alfred Hitchcock’s cinematic masterpiece

by Dale Andrew White

From the author of “A Field Guide to Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds'”…

In this scene-by-scene critique, fans of director Alfred Hitchcock gain an appreciation for how the master of suspense employed symbolism, character movement and other techniques he had been honing since the silent movie era for his 1960 classic shocker, “Psycho.” This concise guide is for readers who have already seen the film, intend to see it again – but have not immersed themselves in the decades of scholarship about this most celebrated and studied of the famed director’s films. Consider it a CliffsNotes guide that may provide additional perspective as you watch “Psycho” again.



Funny Jokes for all Occasions

by Martin P Kerrigan

“I’d rather be a glow worm.
“A glow worm’s never glum.
“it’s hard to be down-hearted,
“When the sun shines out your bum.”
Anonymous.

With these words of wisdom, the reader of Jokes for all Occasions begins an hilarious, odd, strange thinking journey through a unique collection of hundreds of jokes collected from many people and places and life experiences. Sort of how Douglas Adams looked at the universe.

Most importantly, you will learn a rhyme which GENUINELY and CORRECTLY rhymes “PURPLE”!!

Absolutely true! It is genius!!!

Everybody knows that the essence of a joke is in the timing.

A few, deft words at exactly the right moment, can bring the house down with gales of laughter.

A few, ill-timed words at exactly the wrong moment, can make you wish to crawl into a hole and wither away. Actually, this happened to the author many years ago.

A good friend of ours had lost her mother a week previously and we had all attended the funeral. The next week, to take her mind off her loss, we had taken her out to dinner. Arriving home at her place very late, Jane still courteously asked us in for coffee.

Thoughtful and stupid as ever, I quickly said to Jane, “Won’t your mummy and daddy mind?”

To which Jane replied with a straight face, “My mum died last week.”

Oh.

Yet, for all that stupidity, a well-timed joke is a joy to the world. Who can ever forget the brilliant set-up by the creators of American Pie with the nerdy Alyson Hannigan constantly saying, “This one time…at band camp.”

Still makes you smile, doesn’t it.

Jokes can be used with affection, with mischief and with malice. The same few words in different circumstances can offer laughter or start a fight.

The jokes in Jokes for all Occasions are spread across a number of broad categories:
Miscellaneous (Who ARE these people?)
Men and Women and Other Aliens
Idiots
Clever (I use the term loosely.)
Blonde Jokes (Just a few variations on a theme)
Disturbing (Some people are just WIERD!)
Truth in a Joke
Ironic – Like rain on your wedding day.
Huh? (This was originally named wtf? but I thought better of it.
Chuck Norris – The Greatest Human Being – Ever.
Longer Jokes

Basically clean. Rated at worst PG. These jokes will bring laughter to your lips and air to your lungs.

Air to your lungs is always a good thing.
As the wonderful Spike Milligan has inscribed on his gravestone:
“I told you I was sick!”



big tits (and other drinking songs)

by Steven Rugel

drinking songs for your enjoyment. warning! adult themes and language.



Best Man Falling

by Patrick Driscoll

When career slacker Eddie Corrigan is asked to step up to the plate and be the best man at his friend’s wedding, he knows he should feel honoured like any normal person. But therein lies the glitch: Eddie is not a normal person, and so begins Operation Understudy – Eddie’s plan to shirk responsibility at all costs.

Living in a dead-end town in the English Midlands and staring down the barrel of the big Three-O, Eddie feels he’s somewhat missed the boat in life. Truth be told, he never even bought a ticket. But after a chance encounter in a pub with the beautiful and complex Marla Dimitri, life starts to get a whole lot more interesting for him.

After a one-off night of all-strings-attached sex, Eddie finds himself embroiled with Marla in a tangled web of family deception. Eddie just doesn’t have time for tangled webs of family deception; the wedding is drawing closer, and his responsibilities remain firmly unshirked!

But along the way, he finds himself strangely drawn to this woman and finds solace in her company, learning to come to terms with the death of his mother and the gap the tragedy has left within his own family ever since.

Best Man Falling is a raucous, knock-about comedy of embarrassment, set amid the Anglo-Irish, working-class community of Northampton. But it is also a story of redemption, of a man overcoming the dark obstacles of his past and discovering that, sometimes in life, you just have to let go before you can get a grip!



Sixteen Alligators and a Trebuchet

by Trevor Mcinsley

“I maintain that Sixteen Alligators and a Trebuchet represents some of the strangest examples of human communication since the advent of electronic mail.” – Mahatma Gandhi, 1938

Gandhi knows what he is talking about. When it comes to surreal comedy emails Trevor Mcinsley is the man to turn to.

“After reading Sixteen Alligators and a Trebuchet I immediately went out and bought sixteen alligators and a trebuchet.” – Genghis Khan, Supreme Khan of the Mongols, 1206-1227

Good luck with that Genghis. After reading such a vast array of strange, strangely funny and just downright bizarre content you too may find yourself prone to such peculiarities.

“No, I will not give you a quote for your book.” – Matt LeBlanc, 2013

So with the likes of Gandhi, Genghis Khan and… Matt LeBlanc hailing this as the best thing since bread (sliced or otherwise) and a price tag of less than a quid… what do you have to lose?



Dick Swap

by Andy Boring

Keith and Kevin are best friends with the unique ability to remove their penises. Kevin thinks it would be a good idea if they swapped for a night. However, when one of the penises turns up missing, it leads them on a strange and beautiful quest of self-examination, friendship, and mystery.



little tales JESTBEYOND

by CHANTHIRA SEKAR S

WARNING!

WARNING!

WARNING!

WARNING!

If you’re thinking of buying an ebook for yourself or as a gift for someone then STOP and look no further.

Just imagine, you can bring instant joy and laughter to yourself or someone else with this ebook called ‘little tales JESTBEYOND’, a collection of ten weird short ‘real stories’,as real as can be in a planet like earth in a parallel universe to ours.

Stories about monsters, zombies, vampires, teachers from hell and more. And they come with illustrations and cartoons. So get it now before the gateway to this universe shuts so that you can bring boundless joy upon yourself or someone else.

This is the first instalment in a series ‘little tales JESTBEYOND’

I would be grateful if you could leave a review.



ILLUSTRATED GUIDE TO THE SEX LIFE OF FROGS: Erotica for Amphibians

by David Katz

I was thinking of calling this “Fifty Shades of Green,” but decided that would be unfair to the frogs. They are way stranger, sexually, than us people.

Reading this shocking, lurid, and richly illustrated guide to the bizarre erotic lives and loves of our jumpy little friends will leave you feeling slimy and croaking hoarsely.

It has been banned in puddles and ponds throughout North America.



Got a new Kindle or know someone who has? Check out the ultimate guide to finding free books for your Kindle. Also available in the UK.