Free humour Kindle books for 28 Aug 14

Fifty Shades of Catnip Gray

by Clarissa Haley

Laughter is the best medicine and it shouldn’t cost a fortune. I aim to make you laugh.

Rex Gray or affectionately known as “Catnip Gray” is a cat. He’s also a Detective with habits of the old fashioned Detectives from the days of film noir. He’s a little on the sly side. He calls women “Dames.” Plus he has a drinking problem. He can’t stay away from the Slim-Fast bottle. Yes he’s a hard Slim-Fast drinking cat. The fact that he’s a cat with human foibles makes him funny and lovable.

It’s a bit of a bawdy read for the kitties and the kiddies. But adults will love the satirical “lovemaking” scenes between Rex Gray and the “dame” cat Tabitha Davenport who tried to cuckold him into killing her husband. Yes we’re paying a veiled homage to the popular sexy story with a similar name. You may forget you’re reading about cats. If you don’t roll over on the floor laughing, ask for your money back.

An Excerpt:

Sometimes a leopard has to change his stripes, or a tiger his spotsâ?¦hmm I gotta lay off this Slim-Fast. What I’m trying to get at is I have to go deep cover to learn more about these shady cats I’m dealing with. No pun intended. I saw my perfect opportunity while perusing the Meow Meow. Normally the Meow Meow winds up in the bottom of my litter box. It’s nothing but a muck raking rag screaming such headlines as CANNIBAL TOMS MAKE CAT SOUP FROM KITTENSâ?¦CAT MATES WITH ELEPHANT-A CATELEPHANT IS BORNâ?¦ELVIS’S CAT LIVES ON THE MOONâ?¦MYSTERY CAT CLAIMS TO BE KENNEDY ASSASSINâ?¦And it goes on. However something of interest in the want-ads section caught my attention. Of course those ads are just as lurid. WANTED: TAIL CURLERâ?¦PAYING GOOD MONEY FOR CAT EARSâ?¦DONATE YOUR DEAD CAT’S EYES TO MARBLE FACTORYâ?¦But a certain little gem caught my eye: DISCRETE FRNCH MAID NEED. NQUIRE at CUBBYHOLE ARM ASK FOR DOROTY GREN Apt 411.

So Dorothy Green needed a maid. What could a cheapskate like her be willing to pay seeing how she was trying to economize on the ad by deleting letters? Or maybe she just couldn’t spell. In any case I needed that job.

Now you’re thinking how could my muscular manly self ever get a job as a petite French Maid? A cat has his ways as many clueless humans will testify. Plus it helps to have gay friends. Sylvester doesn’t call himself a hairdresser. He calls himself a “Transformation Engineer.” And that’s just what I needed, to be transformed. I headed over to his studio after dark. After about ten hours of tucking, duct tape, umpteen-hundred wig try-ons, I emerged in the morning light as Brigitte. “Brigeet!” Sylvester proclaimed.

I thought it best not to go home and face those neighborhood hoodlums in Cat Alley. In fact walking anywhere in stiletto heels was out of the question. I felt like some kind of ham or turkey all trussed up for dinner. I hailed a Canary cab. In five minutes I arrived in front of the Cubbyhole Arms. After arguing with the driver over the fare, I sent him on his way and sauntered up to number four one-one. The canary wing in my purse would make a nice snack for later. I rang the doorbell. Dorothy Green answered. A hair curler teetered between her ears. A cigarette dangled from her mouth. Her robe was loose around her bosom. She picked at her teeth with a catfish bone.



Minecraft Comic Book: Steve and the Creeper Invasion

by Steve Birch

SPECIAL RELEASE PRICE: $2.99 $4.99

This is the story from when Steve was still a young man and had yet to embark on great adventures. One day while exploring outside his village he finds a hidden cave. His curiosity arisen, he goes into the cave and almost gets lost, till he sees a light at the end of the passage. He goes to investigate the light and finds its source in a large cavern at the center of which is a Creeper machine from which Creepers are popping out every few seconds and collecting in a large pen.

He overhears them talking that they are planning to invade Steve’s village en masse that night. to prevent this Steve uses his wits to stop them by blowing up the entire cavern with TNT.

He returns to the village a hero.

Scroll up and grab a copy today.



Spanish Words For Kids: Cartoon Fun!

by Elliot Carruthers

Spanish Words For Kids!

Perfect for kids!

Fun cartoons make learing Spanish words fun!

Guess the word!



Speed Training for Martial Arts: How to Maximize your Hand Speed, Foot Speed, Punching speed, Kicking Speed and Fighting Speed

by Alexander Lee

Martial Arts

Martial Arts is one way of protecting oneself by learning self defense, it is also a great way to develop self discipline among other things. It existed many centuries ago and was made famous through the legendary Bruce lee.

In order to develop an appreciation for martial arts we will take you on a journey into Chinese Martial Arts which is well known and well respected. You will learn about HSING-I and Tai-Chi. With the current crime rate, children also need to defend themselves, so you will be exposed to martial arts for children. What is martial arts without belts, you will get a close up view on the different belts and learn about the relevance of each belt for the various levels. Then you will explore the world of Kung Fu and be exposed to the 5 different animals of Kung Fu. And what can you learn about the style of Kung Fu? How about Aikido, Capoeira, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai, these are all unique style which you could learn about as well. What impact does Judo have on the world of martial arts as it can mean a lot for different people? Learn about the art of Hapkido, the speed of Kempo and the art of Tai Chi. Then take a glimpse at Ninjutsu and finally, you will then be introduced to the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC).

Having knowledge of martial arts can definitely enhance your life in so many ways. The experience is extremely rewarding when you engage in this activity, it’s like a breath of fresh air!



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