Free humour Kindle books for 09 Jun 17

Tales from a Nobody

by G.C. Cook

What happens when the phone rings in the dead of night and brings every memory flooding back from your awkward youth? That’s the conundrum our very average narrator faces – just like you might someday.

Twenty years ago, before his wife and child, our narrator was nobody – a lot like all of us. He dreamed of love and glory and getting to second base. Now, as he wonders who is on the other line of that late-night call, he recalls the loves lost and the glories just out of reach. With the help of his rat pack of dim-witted friends, he experiences all that middle and high school has to offer (or maybe slightly less).

Author G.C. Cook leans on his experience as a stand-up comedian to craft a funny and poignant chronicle of coming of age experiences, including love, divorced parents, addiction and the creation of the definitive rule book for “Seven Minutes in Heaven.” With a style reminiscent of Dave Barry, David Sedaris and Bill Bryson, G.C. Cook takes you on a ride through adolescence that will take you right back to the roller coaster of emotions of your youth – the good, the bad and definitely the juvenile.

A Marathon Is Really Long When You Have to Pee: And Other Lessons I Learned the Hard Way (The Life Lessonbook Book 1)

by Dustin Brady

A Marathon Is Really Long When You Have to Pee is a collection of 20 humor essays from Dustin Brady in which he tells embarrassing stories about himself and shares the important life lessons he learned along the way – lessons on:

Traditions – “Every tradition exists to get people to do something they don’t want to do. Like, the only time anyone ever says, â??Because it’s a tradition!’ is when they’re trying to convince a loved one to spend a day with relatives they don’t like or bring a dead tree into the house or drop $4,000 on red, white and blue explosives or eat candy corn.”

Writing – “People describe writing in a state of â??flow’ where they get lost in their work and the words start pouring onto the page, and they eventually look up at the clock and oh my have four hours gone by already? That seems nice. I can kind of relate because that’s what happens when I start clicking on YouTube street magic videos.”

The Apple Store Genius Bar – “The Genius Bar is a lot like Best Buy’s Geek Squad, except they would combust if you ever mentioned this to them. They provide the same helpful advice (â??Did you try turning it off and on?’), have the same favorite phrase (â??I’m sorry, the warranty is expired’) and charge the same prices ($1 million/hour). The only difference is the Genius Bar is sure of two things: they are superior to you, and they are farrrrrr superior to the Geek Squad.”

Marathons – “They’re really long when you have to pee.”

If you are the type of person who enjoys funny writing, you will probably like this book. If you are the type of person who enjoys commenting on political articles, you will probably not. Proceed accordingly.

A quick note: Dustin Brady usually writes fiction books for kids; however, this book is neither fiction, nor is it written for kids. That being said, this book is clean, so it should be fine for kids (but mostly just the ones who enjoy hot takes on time share presentations and home improvement projects).

I Hope the Fridge Likes Me: 50 Poems from the Perspective of Household Items

by Stephen James Halbert

One of the most frustrating things in life is not knowing how our household appliances really feel about us. Do they love us? Hate us? Envy us? Desire us? Do they have souls? Author Stephen James Halbert, a vegetarian so obviously in tune with all that is around him, channelled the energy of 50 household appliances, one at a time, and wrote exactly what they were feeling. The journey starts in the bedroom and charts a typical day in the life of the objects we surround ourselves with but seldom, if ever, communicate with. He found that each household item typically feels love, resentment, fear, or sexual desire that can often be disturbing.
Too often we close our ears to all that is around us, but if we take the time to listen, we will realise that the furniture is screaming to be heard.

Voyage To Planet Metabooshna

by Richard Mufson

Voyage To Planet Metabooshna is the story of a four-inch-tall little boy who thinks and acts like an adult. He, in turn, writes a book about an astronaut on a starjet with three voluptuous crewmates. It is a book within a book.
By placing logical and illogical thought patterns side by side, Voyage To Planet Metabooshna creates an absurd, humorous incongruity.
The author, Richard A. Mufson MD, is a board certified psychiatrist and a former pediatrician.

Got a new Kindle or know someone who has? Check out the ultimate guide to finding free books for your Kindle. Also available in the UK.