Free humour Kindle books for 12 Jan 19

Sherlock Holmes (The Definitive Collection – 2019 Edition)

by Arthur Conan Doyle

“…it was reading the Sherlock Holmes stories as a boy that first turned me on to the power of writing and storytelling.” (Stephen Fry)

Ever since he made his first appearance in A Study In Scarlet, Sherlock Holmes has enthralled and delighted millions of fans throughout the world. Now Audible is proud to present Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes: The Definitive Collection, read by Stephen Fry. A lifelong fan of Doyle’s detective fiction, Fry has narrated the complete works of Sherlock Holmes – four novels and five collections of short stories. And, exclusively for Audible, Stephen has written and narrated nine insightful, intimate and deeply personal introductions to each title.

Stephen Fry is an English actor, screenwriter, author, playwright, journalist, comedian, television presenter, film director and all round national treasure. He is the acclaimed narrator of Douglas Adams’ The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and most recently recorded The Tales of Max Carrados for Audible Studios – a performance that earned Fry the accolade of “quite irresistible” from the Washington Post. Stephen has contributed columns and articles to newspapers and magazines, appears frequently on radio and has written four novels and three volumes of autobiography.

Part 1
Chapter 1: Opening Credits and Introduction to A Study in Scarlet
Chapters 2-15: A Study in Scarlet
Chapter 16: Introduction to The Sign of Four
Chapters 17-21: The Sign of Four, Part 1
Part 2
Chapters 1-7: The Sign of Four, Part 2
Chapter 8: Introduction to The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
Chapters 9-21: The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Part 1
Part 3
Chapter 1: The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Part 2
Chapter 2: Introduction to The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes
Chapters 3-14: The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes
Chapter 15: Introduction to The Hound of the Baskervilles
Chapters 16-21: The Hound of the Baskervilles, Part 1
Part 4
Chapters 1-9: The Hound of the Baskervilles, Part 2
Chapter 10: Introduction to The Return of Sherlock Holmes
Chapters 11-21: The Return of Sherlock Holmes, Part 1
Part 5
Chapters 1-2: The Return of Sherlock Holmes, Part 2
Chapter 3: Introduction to The Valley of Fear
Chapters 4-18: The Valley of Fear
Chapter 19: Introduction to His Last Bow
Chapters 20-21: His Last Bow, Part 1
Part 6
Chapters 1-7: His Last Bow, Part 2 and Closing Credits



Hungry Women

by Raymond Obstfeld

“What we need is a menu of men that we could order from. That would make things so much easier.”

“Absolutely,” Dixie says. “With guys listed according to their appeal. Like some guys are merely appetizers, some are desserts.”

“And some,” Diva says, grinning lewdly, “are full-course meals.”

“How about something like this,” Trina says. “Beef Ribs a la Jack. Huge slabs of meaty ribs that take all night to finish.”

Barcelona laughs. “With juicy, buttery corn on a stiff cob. On the side.”

“That’s the way I like it best,” Diva says.

Diva lays a twenty in the middle of the table. “Let’s do it for real.”

“Do what?” Barcelona asks.

“Make this menu. With men on it.”

“That’s crazy.”

“No, it’s not,” Diva says. “We all know and meet lots of men. Some of them you’re interested in, but some of them you’re not. Maybe one of us would be.”

“This sounds a little like high school,” Barcelona says.

“Not today’s high school,” Dixie says.

“It doesn’t sound like high school,” Trina says. “It sounds like business.”

Praise for Hungry Women…

“Be careful when you pick up this novel, because you won’t be able to put it down…women aren’t just hungry. They’re funny, raunchy, brave, and deeply human.” – Elizabeth Villars, author of Lipstick on His Collar

Raymond Obstfeld is a novelist, poet and screenwriter. With more than twenty-five published novels in the mystery, suspense and western genres, he has created and written three successful series as well as having written for two other series.



Bumblebee Full Movie For Free

by James Pettitt

On Cybertron, the Autobot resistance, led by Optimus Prime, are on the verge of losing the civil war with the Decepticons and prepare to evacuate the planet. A Decepticon force, led by Soundwave, Shockwave and Starscream, intercept them during the evacuation, and Optimus sends B-127 to Earth in order to set up a base of operations where the Autobots can regroup.



Perils of the Mind.

by Natalie Taylor

Astrid wakes up in the hospital not knowing what had happened the night before, she unknowingly gets herself wrapped up in a murder investigation, whilst at the same time her best friend has gone missing. Could a delve into her past give her the answers she needs to find her friend? And did she really have any connection to the man’s corpse that was found beaten and unrecognisable?



The Plastic Seed

by Maisie Porter

Two schemes uncoilâ??and, very quickly, begin to unravelâ??on the same day in the Australian town of West Glassportâ?¦

Jean Hima isn’t happy with the way her life has been going. First, her husband leaves her. Then, she loses her job as a midwife at the local hospital, over the easily-fixed misplacement of a baby or twoâ?¦

Now, Jean is sure a snooty real estate agent is blocking her efforts to find a rental in a nice part of town.

Given possession of a batch of incriminating photographs, who wouldn’t begin thinking about a little life-restorative blackmail?

Written in three acts and covering a quarter of a century, The Plastic Seed is an environmental thriller that explores the hypocrisy of some aspects of the philosophy of wellness. This novella is part satire of the human potential movement, and sincere testimony to the ability of humans to face facts when given no choice.



â??Câ??-OXYMORON (Abstract Fantasies, Adages & Thoughts).

by Mr. Charles Sankey Emanuwa (Poet Laureate) (King of New-Literature)

This BOOK is made of:

– Poem’: a literary composition in verse, especially one expressing deep feeling or noble thought in an imaginative way.
Spiritual: of the human spirit or soul, not physical or worldly.
Spiritualism: the belief that spirits of the dead can and do communicate with the living.
Carnal: Of the body or flesh, not spiritual, e.g. Carnal desires.
Psalm: a sacred song, especially one of those in the book of Psalms in the Old Testament of the Holy Bible.
Anthology: a collection of passages from literature, especially poems.
Alliteration: the occurrence of the same letter or sound at the beginning of several words in succession, e.g. sing a song of six pence or I love to love those who choose to love.
Myth: a traditional story that embodies popular beliefs or explains a practice, belief or natural phenomenon. A parable, allegory. A fictitious person or thing.
Metaphor: the application of a word or phrase to something that it does not apply to literally, in order to indicate a comparison with the literal usage, e.g. the evening of one’s life, food for thought, Peter the Rock.
Simile: a figure of speech in which one thing is compared to another, e.g. went through it like a hot knife through butter, he is as hard as rock.
Oxymoron: putting together words, which seem to contradict one another, e.g. bittersweet?
Eulogy: a speech or piece of writing in praise of a person or thing.
Dirge: a slow mournful song, a lamentation for the dead.
Euphemism: a mild or roundabout expression substituted for one considered improper or too harsh or blunt, â??pass away’ is a euphemism for â??die’.
Paradox: a statement etc. That seems to contradict itself or to conflict with common sense but which contains a truth, e.g. â??more haste, less speed’.
Pantheism: the belief that God is everything and everything is God.
Parable: a story told to illustrate a moral or spiritual truth.
Split infinitive: an infinite with a word or words placed between to and the verb, e.g. to thoroughly understand. Many people dislike this construction and it can usually be avoided e.g. by putting to understand thoroughly.
Exaggeration: to making of (a thing or issue) seem larger or more than it really is; with exaggerated courtesy, with excessive courtesy.
Evocation: calling up, produce, or inspire (memories, feelings, a response, etc.)
Hyperbole: an exaggerated statement that is not meant to be taken literally, e.g. a stack of work a mile high.
Fact: something known to have happened or be true or to exist.
– Propaganda: publicity intended to spread ideas or information that will persuade or convince people.
Fiction: a product of the imagination; an invented story.
Onomatopoeia: the formation of words that imitate or suggest what they stand for, e.g. cuckoo, plop, sizzle, chirp, screech, bubble.
Omnipotent: having unlimited power or very great power.
Omnipresent: present everywhere.
Omniscient: knowing everything, having very extensive knowledge.
– Om: a mystic syllable considered the most sacred mantra (in Buddhism and Hinduism etc)
Chant: a tune to which the words of psalms or other works with irregular rhythm are fitted by singing several syllables or words to the same note; a monotonous song.
Verse: a metrical form of composition, as distinct from prose.
Prose: written or spoken language not in verse form.
Satire: the use of ridicule, irony, or sarcasm in speech or writing.
Parody: a comic imitation of a well-known person or literary work or style.
Satanism: worship of Satan, using distorted forms of Christian worship.
Tautology: saying of the same thing over again in different words.
Travesty: an absurd or inferior imitation.
Innuendo: an unpleasant insinuation.
Craze: a great but often short-lived enthusiasm for something.
Dream: a series of pictures or events in a sleeping person’s mind.
Vision: the faculty of seeing, sight. Something seen in the imagination or in a dream etc.
Visionary: existing only in the imagination…



Dad Jokes: The Best Dad Jokes, Awfully Bad but Funny Jokes and Puns Volumes 1 and 2 (Dad Jokes Book 3)

by Matthew Cooper

â??â??Buy the paperback version of Dad Jokes: The Best Dad Jokes, Awfully Bad but Funny Jokes and Puns Volumes 1 and 2 and receive the ebook for FREE!â??â??
This book is value-packed with 2 manuscripts inside:

  • Dad Jokes: The Best Dad Jokes, Awfully Bad but Funny Jokes and Puns Volume 1
  • Dad Jokes: The Best Dad Jokes, Awfully Bad but Funny Jokes and Puns Volume 2


Save over 20% when purchasing this book compared to purchasing both volumes individually.

There is almost a total of 900 painfully funny Dad Jokes in here!

Sometimes nothing makes more sense than a good, old fashioned corny joke to make the heart merry, and put a smile on everyone’s face. Dad jokes or bad jokes, either one is fine. They sometimes do the trick…

What is an elf who has just won the lottery calledâ?¦?

“Welfy…”

There are plenty of puns in here which you can recite to your friends ans pass yourself off as word smith – unless your last name is NOT Smith.

What do you call a Mexican who’s just had his 4×4 stolen…?

Carlos…

Looking for the perfect Christmas present for Dad?Search no more, with this hilarious book of Dad Jokes.

What’s inside: