Free humour Kindle books for 12 May 19

So Many Thrones: A Parody of A Game of Thrones (A Franchise of Ice and Fire Book 1)

by John Marquane

From the author of The Candidate in the Rye and a graduate of The Harvard Lampoon, this parody novel is a send-up of Game of Thrones, publishing just in time for the series finale.

Before the HBO series, and before your friend who has never read a single fantasy series invited you over to watch, remember when you first read those famous wordsâ??”Is it just me or is it getting colder outside?”

When the King’s Right-Hand-Man is murdered, it falls to Sean Bean of Winterville to take his place in Camelot, where the blood pours like wine and climate change is a distant dream. Follow Cat Lady as she relies on the scheming Goldfinger to help solve a murder, her son Raisin-Bran as physical injury destines him for magical powers, and test-tube baby Juan Doe as he joins the Border Patrol, dedicated to denying climate change and preventing those awful Canadians from ever invading from beyond the wall. And now for the first time follow new point-of-view characters including George R. R. Martin himself as he struggles to preserve the artistic integrity of A Song of Ice and Fire against the demands of HBO executives hungry for syndication. Will he finish his epic series before it is too late? Will winter ever, eventually, at some point come?



The Dirty Parts of the Bible: A Novel

by Sam Torode

Semifinalist for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award
and previous #1 Bestseller in Humorous Literary Fiction

“A rich and soulful novel…steeped in wanderlust and whimsy.” —Publishers Weekly

The Dirty Parts of the Bible might just be the long-awaited Great American Novel.” —New York Times bestselling author John M. Perkins

The Dirty Parts of the Bible is a humorous adventure across America during the Great Depression–a rollicking tale of love and liquor, preachers and prostitutes, trains and treasure, sure to appeal to fans of O Brother Where Art Thou?, Water for Elephants, Mark Twain, Willie Nelson, and Johnny Cash.

*    *    *    *

It’s 1936, and Tobias Henry is stuck in the frozen hinterlands of Michigan. Tobias is obsessed with two things: God and girls.

Mostly girls, of course.

But being a Baptist preacher’s son, he can’t escape God.

When his father is blinded in a bizarre accident (involving hard cider and bird droppings), Tobias must ride the rails to Texas to recover a long-hidden stash of money. Along the way, he’s initiated into the hobo brotherhood by Craw, a ribald vagabond-philosopher. Obstacles arise in the form of a saucy prostitute, a flaming boxcar, and a man-eating catfish. But when he meets Sarah, a tough farm girl under a dark curse, he finds out that the greatest challenge of all is love.

The Kindle e-book is FREE with purchase of the paperback, through Amazon Matchbook.



How to Pick Up Women with a Drunk Space Ninja (The Adventures of Duke LaGrange Book 1)

by Jay Key

Bounty hunters. Ninjas. Anthropomorphic musk oxen from the moons of Gartosh. Welcome to the gut busting and page turning universe of Duke LaGrange!

When bounty hunter Duke LaGrange and his oft inebriated Japanese-Irish ninja companion, Ishiro’shea, entered their favorite watering hole, Cyborg Joe’s Grill N’ Go & The Why Not Saloon, they had no idea that they would soon be gobbled up by an unhinged astral anomaly and deposited on an uncharted primitive world. Few things are worse than undeveloped planets especially those that haven’t even made it to the soufflé stage. To top it off, this particular planet comes with its own insane ruler and an Orb that Controls Everything and Must be Respected. The bounty hunting duo will need to navigate a violent rebellion, flying fire breathing panthers, and mutated swamp cannibals in order to avoid being stranded light years from the nearest well-made martini.

How to Pick Up Women with a Drunk Space Ninja is the first book in The Adventures of Duke LaGrange, a series of hilarious sci-fi adventure romps from the creative mind of Jay Key. You are sure to fall in love with Key’s menagerie of colorful characters and laugh-out loud storytelling talents.

Praise for How to Pick Up Women with a Drunk Space Ninja:

“A raucous, new kind of pulp action hero…Flash Gordon, Jack Burton, and Buckaroo Banzai got nothing on Duke LaGrange.”Marcus Muller, comic artist and creator of King of the Unknown

“[W]itty, fast-paced…[an] imaginative style of writing.”Readers’ Favorite

“For goofy grown up pulp readers and sci-fi geeks, it’s as much fun as a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster.”Frank R. Sjodin, pulp author and 2017 Audio Verse Award Winner



I Am Marcus Fox: A novel

by Bryon Cahill

A dangerous man on the brink of madness recounts his life storyâ??a nonstop, action-adventure thrill ride that proves fiction is stranger than truth.

Texas, 1967. Marcus Fox is born to notorious outlaw parents who are always on the run. Unaccustomed to any semblance of a stable family life, the often-neglected child is quick to realize Mom and Dad are driven by sheer violence and mayhem. Hiding out in cheap motels between heists, Marcus’s favorite pastime is listening to his father tell tall tales. He also secretly yearns for any glimmer of love from his monstrous mother. But those banks and roadside diners aren’t going to rob themselves.

Zambia, Africa, 1973. Six-year-old Marcus Fox is abandoned. Adopted by a local tribesman and his wife, he learns their ways and survives along the Zambezi River. As he grows, Marcus becomes an experienced hunter and fights unimaginable beasts for his supper. But the one animal he can’t best is the ferocious lion within. In the prime of his life, Marcus finds himself strapped with an orphan baby of his own. Acting as both brother and father to the growing boy, Marcus must protect him from the nutty, imperceptible call of nature and shield him from the lucid lure of human contact.

The lines between reality and fantasy blur as Marcus, an unreliable narrator, navigates his most penetrating memories. In retelling his hero’s journey, Marcus reminisces on tragedy and farcical comedy, terror and psychological warfare. At times, he will even question his own sanity.

Never faltering in his tale, Marcus paints an unbelievable story with larger-than-life bravado. But his overconfidence may just shake him apart and disrupt the infinite, swirling cosmos.



Hell: Under New Management (Transcripts Book 3)

by DKW

Imprisoned in Heaven, Bill, Lucifer, and Mother Earth race against The Clock to thwart Pluto’s villainous scheme before midnight strikes. And all Hell breaks loose.

Transcripts series
Part 1, Transcripts from the Other Side (FREE)
Part 2, Heaven: The Beta-test
Part 3, Hell: Under New Management
Part 4, All the Thyme in the World
Part 5, Coming soon



Mr. President

by Dennis Calhoun

Ozwald Calhoun never really believed that he was qualified to be President of the United States. However, he does believe that he is more qualified than most that have held that esteemed office during his five decades as a natural-born citizen of that great country. And if there is one chance in a billion that he could become president, well, at least there’s a chance.

A few posts on social media during campaign season quickly attract the attention of the entire nation. Ozwald is also noticed by some very influential people that are quite eager to invest handsomely in an election where a President Calhoun is a certainty and everyone wins big! The question is: Can this novice president navigate the political landscape and find the wisdom that it takes to make decisions of national and global consequence?

Well, no; but that was never the point. It’s all about pleasing the masses and Ozwald seems to find a way to please them all. Except, that is, rank-and-file Republicans, die-hard Democrats, some Libertarians, about half of the people north of the Mason=Dixon line, residents of two unnamed western states, and dog-haters. Those people don’t like him much. Otherwise, Ozwald Calhoun is living the dream and his supporters are hoping that he never wakes up.



Rock ‘n’ Roll Vampire

by Max Radin

When has-been rocker Ricky Durbin is sent off to rehab for the fourth time by his record company, he plans to come back a changed man.

But a vampire isn’t quite what he has in mind.

In fact, Ricky has a heck of a time believing it, much to the consternation of those around him. Ricky chalks up his rapid physical changes and lust for female neckflesh as strange byproducts of his newfound sobriety. And when his rehab physician, the delectable Dr. D, develops a similar disposition after he bites her, she seeks Ricky out as her â??dark master.’ Ricky willingly enlists Dr. D’s help as a lyricist in penning a new album he must get in the can to preserve his tenuous recording contract. She does have a way with words.

Until Count Johnnie, an ancient coven master from centuries gone by, makes an appearance. As does an eccentric vampire hunter from Balkan Pest Control, a wizened old woman by the name of Edna Sweeney, who wears a green felt hat and drives a Rambler.

Meanwhile, Ricky’s ex-wife and manager, the lovely Rachel, wonders about Ricky’s predilection for writing songs that seem to focus on women’s necks. During their tumultuous marriage, he never so much as wanted to nibble hers.

But, it is a new direction for Ricky. Perhaps he has something.

Can Ricky reestablish himself as the rock ‘n’ roll great he once was, not to mention save his house from being foreclosed on? And maybe get his ex to take him back?

More importantly, will Ricky vanquish the evil Count Johnnie, who seems to be the cause of all this vampirism in the first place?

A work of literature like Rock ‘n’ Roll vampire doesn’t come along every day.



Ode to Chores: The Good The Bad and The Laundry: poems about parenting, motherhood, children, pets, and the life and times of moms on call 24/7

by Brenda Kahn

Whether you’re a savvy mom of teens or a new mom trying to get baby to sleep, this book is for you. A must read for every mom who ever said: “Stop rocking on the chair!” Ode to Chores is a clever and entertaining view of parenting, motherhood, children, pets, and the life and times of moms on call 24/7. 

——————

why I wrote this book

The whole thing started because I was lonely. I spent hours every day with my little kids, which I really loved for a while, but my husband was gone A LOT, and when he came home, he was all talked out. He just wanted to spend a little time with his two boys roughhousing and eating Oreo Thins.

Plans with friends were few and far between because we were all busy shuffling kids to school and activities when we weren’t working jobs, or doing house projects, or stumping for our chosen elected officials, or reconnecting with our significant others.

sleep muffin, sleep

In the meantime, exhausted at the end of every day, I still wanted to be an artist, a writer, and a musician. I’d been on stage for 25 years and suddenly the only singing I was doing was lullabies at 3 AM in a rocking chair trying to get my little muffin to sleep. . . just for a little while. . . sleep muffin, sleep.

Somewhere along the way, I put down my pen and found myself deep in the stuff of kids. Then, one evening after an especially frustrating dinner with the boys, I sent everyone off to their rooms, flipped over an envelope lying in the mess on the dining room table, and wrote the poem  Stop Rocking on the Chair . I was surprised how satisfying it was to say it on the page.

Inspiration

From there I started writing these “mom poems” all the time. As I did, I felt less and less alone. I was not only writing about my experience but a thread of experience that connected to moms all over the world and through time. The common language of motherhood reconnected me to my creativity and other people at the same time.

I first thought I wrote this book for myself, but it turns out I wrote this book for you. I hope it brings you joy and even makes you cry. I hope it brings mothers together and inspires you to make some art and put it out into the world, so we can all have a moment of connection together. Call me. We’ll have coffee.

——————

About the Author

Brenda Kahn is a poet, memoirist and an international recording artist who has shared the stage with Bob Dylan, David Byrne, and Jeff Buckley. She has expertise in changing both guitar strings and diapers. She is a writer of songs, poetry, memoir, and excuse notes for sick kids.  She can paint and spackle like nobody’s business and will also perform a cover of Bessie Smith’s Ain’t Nobody’s Business if you request it at a live show. She lives in South Salem, NY with her husband and two boys, her golden retriever (Barley Patches), her two cats (Fluffy and Colby) and Ekko the crested gecko.

Learn more about Bren at: www.brendakahn.com

Stay connected and support her work at www.BrendaKahn.com/Patreon

A quick look at the titles…

Ode to Chores
Mom Interrupted
Middle Age
Valentine’s Day
Tread Lightly Through That Fountain of Youth
Dirty Socks
Mom Agrees to a Pet
Time Stream
Terra Madre
Sweater Weather
The Rhetorical Housewife
The Whole of Me
The Movie of My Life
Reluctant Reader
Marvel Heroes
Art Collector
For the Love of Pete! (Stop Rocking on the Chair)
Soccer Haiku
What They Don’t Tell You
Little Toes
Little Toes II
ROY G BIV
Common Core (Inspired by The Raven by E.A. Poe)
Dylan
Science Test: Invertebrates
Footprints in the Sand
Patriotic Lunch
Boys Life
The Keys to All the Power
The Fortunate Child
Stupid Animal Hospital
I’m Finished with Winter
The Flashing (Home Renovation Haiku)
Fathers are a Fence
Coffee on my Keyboard
Poem for my Gran
Forgotten Key
Neurotypical

Now scroll back up and buy the book!



Two Tyrants: The Myth of a Two Party Government and the Liberation of the American Voter

by A.G. Roderick

Two Tyrants is today’s Common Sense. It is a call to arms for the rational majority, tired of increasing corruption and decreasing competence.



Gender Swap Gaming 6: The Conclusion: (Adult Satire Parody)

by Pearl Lace

Here! We! Go!
The ending to all of my gender swap stories. Get ready because this one is a doozy. It involves a horrible Queen, a green-skinned orc, some dude who used to be a handy man gender-swapping people from behind the desk in a gym, a couple of bimbos and their boyfriends, and a crown with special powers. They meet in the center of a desert map people use to play a Battle Royale game. Secrets are laid bare along with clothing in this hot tryst of a conclusion.
Does any of this sound familiar?
It should because it starts a long time ago on a planet super-duper far away.
A green-skinned Orc kidnapped Princess Goldy holding her hostage. Nobody in Princess Goldy’s kingdom came to rescue her because she was a complete pain. No, seriously, she looked hot with her long blonde hair and FF cups, but her intolerance matched her cup size.
Only a lowly handy man would attempt to rescue the Princess and he did, more than twenty times because the Orc kept kidnapping Princess Goldy. That is what happens when a Princess decides to go short on the security budget.
What did the lowly handy man get in return for saving Princess Goldy more than twenty times? She cheated on him with his brother.
A lesson to all of the guys reading this, never fall in love because it makes you do stupid things and look like a complete jerk.
Seriously, Eric is the definition of this and even far across the galaxy guys still do the same dumb things over and over. It is like it is written into the Universal DNA for males.
Yeah, this is one messed up love triangle and this story is the conclusion of all my gender swap stories.
Now you will know why someone was gender swapping everyone from behind the front desk in a gym.
But what about that Orc? Could it be��



Countess Drusilla Steele’s Guide to Weight Loss

by Fiona Tate

This is no ordinary weight loss guide. Countess Steele provides advice on how to get yourself ready to embark on a weight loss regime, in her own distinct style. Her most loyal subject, Doubting Thomasina contributes in her own respectful way.



Why Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Deserves Trust, Respect, and Admiration

by Michael Powers

This book is full of blank pages. Despite years of tireless research, our team could not find anything to say on this subject, so please feel free to use this book for notes or as a fun gift.



Puns for Kids: Book of Puns for Lots of Pun! (Puns Book 1)

by Becci Lakeman

Puns Are Punstoppable!

This book is filled with one liners and two liners. Flip back and read these silly jokes over and over again. Have a punderful time with these puns!

Pun: Pig puns are really boaring to me.

Pun: I have a fear of going over speedbumps. I am slowly getting over it.

© 2018 All Rights Reserved



Beyblade Burst Rivals Unofficial Guide: Tips & Strategies that Make You Never Loose Again

by Anthony Wright

This is an unofficial guide for the famous game Beyblade Burst Rivals.
If you are having trouble winning the battles, then don’t worry! We are here to guide you. We have covered everything about the game you need to know as rookie blader. Before you start ripping your blade, there are many things you need to know about this great game.

Disclaimer: this guide it is not associated, affiliated, endorsed, certified, or sponsored by the Original Copyright Owner.



WITTY COMEBACKS: #1 Collection of 100 Witty comebacks

by Box of Books

Have you ever been insulted in school and not known how to come back with something witty that will leave the other person speechless?
This ebook contains 100 of the wittiest comeback for 10 different day-to-day situations.



Aloha Mannequins

by Raymund Hensley

Hawaii has its secrets. From goth clubs to insane dolphin activists that wear full-body dolphin suits, Aloha Mannequins will open the eyes of any tourist. A dark comedy novella.



Your Secret’s Safe With Me

by Rosie Travers

Career girl Becca Gates’ organised life is thrown into chaos when her mother, romantic novelist Pearl, announces her surprise engagement to Jack, a man she has only just met.

Worse news follows when Pearl tells Becca she intends to leave London, quit writing, and retire to her new fiancé’s idyllic waterside home on the south coast. Becca is determined to prevent Pearl from making a disastrous mistake, but when she at arrives at Rivermede, more shocks await when she stumbles upon a familiar yet unwelcome face from her past.

As Pearl embraces her new life amongst the local sailing fraternity, Becca receives a grim warning that all is not as calm as it seems at picturesque Rivermede, and if she wants to keep her family safe, she should keep them away.

But why should Becca trust the man who has betrayed her before, the man who broke her heart, the man who thinks he knows all her secrets?



Five Days of Dick

by randall ‘Jay’ andrews

Dick Dillard hadn’t had a particularly good morning, but then again, he seldom did. However, when it looked like things might look up, a tenant on his office floor turned up dead, and Dick discovered that no one on the floor was safe or free of suspicion. For the next five days, his life took one bad turn after another.



â??Ja oder Nein?: 100 Antworten auf alle Ihre Fragen â??Ja oder Neinâ? (German Edition)

by Vera Sibilla

Wie solltest du dieses Buch verwenden?Es ist ziemlich einfach�1) Stellen Sie eine JA oder NEIN Frage und das Buch wird Ihnen antworten!2) �ffne das Buch zufällig. 3) Lesen Sie Ihre Antwort.Mehr Fragen? Gehen Sie zurück zu Punkt 1!



MEMES: Ultimate Memes & Jokes 2018 â?? Wild West Squirrel â?? Funniest Memes on the Planet: Funny Memes 2018, Dank Memes, Memes Free, Memes XL, Pikachu Books, Roasts

by Toothy McScrumble

NEW MEMES IN EVERY BOOK! Fresh and hilarious memes from 2018

FREE BONUS BOOKS INSIDE!

Download for FREE using Kindle Unlimited
Dank. Fresh. Hilarious.

This book contains over 2000 pages of memes! I’ve gathered here the best memes on the internet for you to easily browse in one place.
Since we love laughing at funny memes and pictures, we decided to create a series of books showcasing hilarious memes we find throughout the day from all over the internet. We’ve even found some memes in that old crusty sock you keep under your bedâ?¦
Book is not appropriate for young kids. May have adult language or adult themes. Reader discretion is advised

HAVE FUN! And let us know what you liked and where we can improve by leaving a review!
Memes n memes n memes n memes n memesâ?¦all day every day memes



Discontinued Attraction

by C.A. Huggins

Introducing your parents to the person you are dating is always nerve-racking.

What if they dislike each other?

What if your parents think they are not right for you?

But in the year 2030, what happens when your parents disapprove that you are dating a robot?



MEMES: Ultimate Memes & Jokes 2018 â?? Horror Birthday â?? Funniest Memes on the Planet: Funny Memes 2018, Dank Memes, Memes Free, Memes XL, Pikachu Books, Roasts

by Toothy McScrumble

NEW MEMES IN EVERY BOOK! Fresh and hilarious memes from 2018

FREE BONUS BOOKS INSIDE!

Download for FREE using Kindle Unlimited
Dank. Fresh. Hilarious.

This book contains over 2000 pages of memes! I’ve gathered here the best memes on the internet for you to easily browse in one place.
Since we love laughing at funny memes and pictures, we decided to create a series of books showcasing hilarious memes we find throughout the day from all over the internet. We’ve even found some memes in that old crusty sock you keep under your bedâ?¦
Book is not appropriate for young kids. May have adult language or adult themes. Reader discretion is advised

HAVE FUN! And let us know what you liked and where we can improve by leaving a review!
Memes n memes n memes n memes n memesâ?¦all day every day memes



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